“Meanwhile, Michelle hasn’t aged a day. I asked her what her secret is and she just says … ‘fresh fruits and vegetables.’ It’s aggravating.”
“I feel as loose and relaxed as ever. Those Joe Biden shoulder massages, they’re like magic. You should try one … oh, you have!”
“You no longer have to worry about losing your health insurance if you lose your job. You’re welcome, Senate Democrats.”
“Michelle Bachman actually predicted I would bring about the biblical ‘end of days.’ Now, that’s a legacy. I mean Lincoln, Washington — they didn’t do that!”
“I have one friend who was making millions of dollars a year, and now she’s living out of a van in Iowa.”
“Oh yeah, [Hillary]’s gonna get that money. Khaleesi is coming to Westeros.”
