I have to admit to laughing until my stomach hurt when I first heard Drake’s response lyrics in “Back 2 Back”: “Shout-out to all my boss b—-es wifing n—as, make sure you hit them with the pre-nup.” It was clever, it was funny but as with most really funny jokes, it’s rooted in truth. What might’ve been even funnier was a meme showing Nicki Minaj suited in a groom’s tux while Meek wore a white wedding gown and stared adoringly up at her. The picture is the direct visualization of the lyrics and regardless of who pointed it out, we all knew Nicki was a much bigger star, a household name, and that her newly appointed Philly-bred boyfriend Meek Mill is in a lower tax bracket. According to Fortune, the number of businesses owned by African American women grew 322 percent since 1997, making black females the fastest growing group of entrepreneurs in the U.S. So, Meek shouldn’t feel alone; there are quite a few other men in relationships with women that quite possibly earn more than they do and/or are the CEO of their own companies.
Overall, the number of women-owned businesses grew by 74 percent between 1997 and 2015 — a rate that’s 1.5 times the national average, according to the recently published “2015 State of Women-Owned Businesses Report” commissioned by American Express Open. Women now own 30 percent of all businesses in the U.S., accounting for some 9.4 million firms. And African American women control 14 percent of these companies, or an estimated 1.3 million businesses, which equates to a whole lot of boss b—-es.
In Farnoosh Tarabi’s book When She Makes More: 10 Rules for Bread-winning Women the author states, “We emasculate men by criticizing, complaining and taking over tasks they’re capable of doing and we cling to the idea that we can change them. We think that earning money comes with veto power over decisions. If a woman thinks that the power should follow the money, she’s in deep trouble.” Still, throughout the book, Tarabi acknowledges there are undeniable consistencies in couples where the woman earns considerably more than her mate. A 2010 Cornell study showed that men who were totally dependent on women’s salaries were five times more likely to cheat than men who earned the same as their partners. A 2013 study by a professor at Washington University’s Olin Business School revealed that in relationships where women made slightly more than their spouses, men were 10 percent more likely to need prescription medication for erectile dysfunction, insomnia and anxiety, and the greater the income gap, the more problems men had with ED. Before we offer Drake more material to go after Meek, what does that mean for today’s African American culture?
With Black women becoming the face of the American CEO, where should these women look to find a mate? Felisha, a 41-year-old with her own IT consulting company, earns upwards of $325K per year. She says she would be open to dating and eventually marrying a man that earns less than her but she refuses to be with a man who isn’t ambitious. She says, “His ambition is important to me. His income could change at anytime. I have earned a lot less than I earn now but if he is ambitious he’ll get his finances up.”
Although she is open to dating someone who doesn’t earn the exact dollar amount, she does want someone who can keep up with her lifestyle. Felisha travels out of the country at least six times a year and owns two homes in varying states. At the time of this interview, Felisha was returning from a two-week vacation to Dubai where she went to shop and enjoy the culture. Unless a potential mate is earning near what she makes, it may prove hard for him to join her on such a trip or connect with her lifestyle.
Sonya is a 39-year-old single hairstylist who’s owned her own shop for almost 15 years. She says money isn’t a motivator for her when dating but acknowledges many men are bothered by her luxury car and elegantly furnished home. “I know when they see my house there are going to be questions and a lot of times they make negative comments,” she acknowledges.
Relationship expert and NY Times best-selling urban-erotica author Mary Morrison says it can work if the woman respects the man and he treats her with respect. She suggests the Obamas were a situation where the woman was earning more initially, but she saw ambition and knew the man that she was involved with would not be complacent. “If Michelle Obama hadn’t been willing to date down, she wouldn’t be married to the president of the United States. It all depends on the man, listen to what he talks about and how he sees you in his future,” Morrison advises.
While POTUS and FLOTUS are great examples of a woman making a great decision, there are many others that don’t end the same way. Halle Berry dated Gabriel Aubrey, a handsome model whose presence didn’t show up on her financial radar at all. Later during a bitter split, he sued Berry for child support and attempted to get spousal support. Jennifer Lopez is also a star that has been known to date men less successful than herself, and although her and former dancer boyfriend Casper Smart seem to experience occasional bouts of relationship drama, she has remained in the relationship.
There are numerous studies that can argue each side and then, of course, there is Drake’s slap in the face to Meek Mill, but ultimately each woman has to make her own decision on what she is able to handle. If a woman does earn considerably more, her mate needs a clear understanding of his role and shouldn’t be made to feel less than due to his bank account. As long as he can keep from being depressed and having extramarital affairs, the roles could one day reverse.
