Caitlyn Jenner has revealed she contemplated suicide when she was discovered coming out of her doctor’s office after having an operation on her Adam’s apple.
She recalled, “I could not sleep that night. And I’m up at 3 am walking up and down my hallways thinking, ‘Damn, all this s**t is going to come out tomorrow and it’s going to be horrible.’ And I said, ‘You know what, easy way, go in the other room, you got a gun, let’s just end it right here.’
“That’s like, the easy way out. No more pain, no more nothing. I don’t have to deal with the tabloids any longer. I don’t have to deal with any of this.”
However, the 66-year-old television personality now realizes it was the “stupidest thing” to even consider.
Speaking on “Any Given Wednesday with Bill Simmons,” she added: “[It was the] stupidest thing. I thought, ‘What a terrible way to end your life’s story!’ I don’t want my story to end that way, on a negative note.
“That was the beginning of me turning my thinking around to say, ‘OK, I think I can do this.'”
Meanwhile, Caitlyn previously revealed she planned to transition at 40 but couldn’t go through with it.
She explained: “I was sitting there watching TV and they had a gender clinic in Orange County. I was scared to death about going over there, but it was also the first time I could sit down with somebody and talk about all the things that were going on in my head.
“When I left my first therapy session – first of all I survived it – and nobody laughed at me. I felt really good that for the first time I can actually talk to somebody who’s intelligent, understands this … I was 34 and I thought by the time I’m 40 ‘I’m gonna transition,’ I just can’t take this any longer. I got to about 39 and I just couldn’t go any further.”