Defensiveness
The third horseman is defensiveness. People in relationships become defensive when they perceive something that their partner says or does as an attack. They then become a victim and try to reverse the blame. You can combat this by trying to avoid taking things personally and owning up to your mistakes. Try to shift your perspective and view feedback as a chance for you to show up better in your relationship instead of as an attack on your character.
Stonewalling
The fourth and final horseman is stonewalling and is usually in response to contempt. Stonewalling happens when you or your partner shuts down or gives the other party the silent treatment. You can counteract this by implementing ways to self-soothe when conflict arises. This can be taking breaks when things get heated or using deep breathing techniques. Just make sure you both agree to how long the break will last and when you will resume the conversation, no matter how difficult.
