Nia Long
Beautiful Struggle
Story by
Jacinta Howard
Images by Maurice Evans for Steed Media Service
They
say that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. But what happens when
the beholder’s eyesight is distorted by reality television, gossip
magazines and sensationalistic celebrity blogs? Does beauty become
irrevocably warped? Or even worse, does it become contained and limited
in scope and relevance?
These are questions that America has
struggled with for years. At 38, Nia Long has drawn her own conclusions
about the important issues of self-esteem and beauty.
“Beauty to me is being comfortable in your skin,” she says simply.
In the 20-plus years that she’s been in Hollywood, she’s had to learn
to become comfortable with herself if for nothing other than her own
survival. In movie land, where the pencil pushers are wholly focused on
appearance, having and maintaining self-esteem can be a task.
Looking at the careers of some of the industry’s most illustrious
women, the negative effects of a skin-deep mind-set are pretty obvious.
And, while white starlets who also suffer from the media’s warped
perception of beauty oftentimes have no problem bouncing back, or at
least milking 15 more minutes of “fame” on reality television shows and
celebrity tabloids, black women who fall victim to the curse usually
don’t fare as well.
As black women’s self-worth continues to be unavoidably entangled in
the media and the larger society’s superficial, digital age
projections, maintaining a healthy self-image has become increasingly
difficult. Ask Nia.
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“One
of the things that really bugs me is that it’s suggested that if you’re
beautiful in film, you haven’t had hard times and you’re not flawed,”
she says. “That really bothers me. Halle Berry is one of the few
actresses that gets those opportunities because she’s at another level.
She’s an Oscar winner and she’s a beautiful woman and she gets the
opportunity to be all things and play all things. But it’s
disheartening to me that she’s the only person — and it has nothing to
do with her as much as it is that Hollywood doesn’t see all of us in
that way. We’re not getting the opportunities to tell our stories in a
universal way. In the white community, there is a pool of actresses
that all work, that are all stars, that all make millions of dollars
for their projects.”
But Long is hoping that Michelle Obama’s new public platform will help to change things in a major way.
“What [Michelle Obama being the first lady] says to women of color is
that you can be a brown-skinned, beautiful, black, educated woman who
represents this country,” she says. “I feel excited about that because
I’m hoping that the trend spills over into Hollywood.”
To look at her now, you would never imagine there were times when
self-confidence eluded Long. Relaxed and casually dressed, she’s
enjoying the behind-the-scenes bustle at Sundance. Her smile is easy
and her eyes are self-assured when she speaks. But even more notable is
her approachability and the realness that she exudes. She gets more
animated when talking about her 8-year-old son, Massai Zhivago Dorsey
II, than she is when talking about her next movie role. She lights up
even more when discussing the power that comes with womanhood, than
with the glory that follows being recognized as an international sex
symbol.
“It doesn’t matter how you look,” she reasons. “If you can get up in
the morning and breathe easy and know that it’s going to be OK, that,
to me, is beauty. It illuminates you when you walk into a room.”
And even though now she’s basking in the glory of healthy self-love,
her thoughts about beauty were formed by experience. To be honest, she
says there are fleeting moments when she still battles with
self-confidence.
“Oh, yes!” she exclaims when the question is posed. “But I just
acknowledge it, work on it, and try to do better the next day.”
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That
character-building formula is one that she not only actively applies to
her daily living, but hopes that other women will adapt as well. It’s
also in large part the reason she was so quick to sign on to appear in
Chris Rock’s critically acclaimed documentary, Good Hair. The
film explores how much people’s perceptions of beauty are based on
hair, and what it means, in 2009 to have “good hair” or “bad hair.” The
tales are poignant, insightful and real — much like Nia.
“I’d really like to explore what beauty means historically,” she says,
when asked what issue she’d tackle if she were the one making the
documentary. “[I’d look at] what we’ve been taught, and what’s been
ingrained in us. I would want to fully understand and explore what
beauty really is.”
As Long matures, she’s also developing a new appreciation for the beauty of sisterhood — and not in a generic, Waiting to Exhale, Hollywood-ized kind of way. The relationship that she has with her friends is authentic, even when it isn’t pretty.
“If I’m at my girlfriend’s house and her house is a mess, we’re going
to clean it up together,” she insists. “Or we’re going to cook dinner
for the kids together. I think that’s a part of sisterhood that’s so
important and it’s something we need to get back to. When you talk
about community and being there for one another, that’s where it
starts.”
If authentic sisterhood begins with unselfish support of one another,
part of that has to include encouraging one another to be fiscally
responsible. Long is adamant about financial management and helping out
the folks around her — whether they want to hear it or not.
“I know what it’s like not to have any money,” she says
matter-of-factly. “I look at money as a way to create opportunities. I
don’t look at it as a way to have a certain lifestyle. I’m blessed. I
have a beautiful home, my son’s in private school, I have money saved —
I’m good. But, I’m learning how to create more opportunities for myself
and have more financial wealth, ownership and brand building. We have
to reprogram our thinking and teach our children the importance of
financial wealth and independence.”
So with that in mind, her son takes out the trash, washes dishes and
does other chores around the house to earn money. A portion of his
earnings automatically goes into his college savings. She hopes her
advice will trickle to others.
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“I
always try to tell [people] — especially the younger guys — [about
being financially responsible] because they tend to be more flashy and
caught up in the image of the hip-hop generation, which is fine. But
most of the people that are blinging end up broke 10 years from now,
even five,” she says. “You just have to gently give them those messages
and show them that there [are] other ways of doing it, and hopefully,
they’ll catch on before it’s too late.”
Long remains focused on discovering the beauty
of having sustained faith, which is perhaps her best beauty lesson. As
she looks toward the future, she knows that the substance of things
hoped for and the evidence of things unseen will keep her.
“In
2008, I learned the importance of being fearless,” she says
reflectively. “I talked about being fearless, but there were times and
things in my life where I actually had to practice it. Being fearless
is being faithful — it’s the same thing. In 2009, it’s full speed
ahead.”
