until debt do us part?

A few months away from your wedding day and feeling like you have most of it figured out? The pre-wedding parties are planned and completed your premarital counseling — feels good having that certificate in hand doesn’t it? No stone is unturned and all that is left is the pomp and circumstance. You cried in the sessions and professed your love and answered some difficult personal questions. But, there is one question I will ask of you that — probably — was not asked of you in your counseling sessions. Financially speaking, would you marry you?

I’m sorry, are those crickets I am hearing?

That’s right; in your current financial situation would you marry someone with the identical financial circumstance?

When personal inventory is covered in the pre-marital sessions, typically we find ourselves not being totally candid — about “everything.” But, I am not here to uncover past indiscretions or inquire about certain closeted skeletal escapades — we all have them. My focus is to get us to be completely financially transparent with our future spouse and ourselves before we make the most important love and financial commitment of our lives. Here is a little fact that no one wants to talk about: According to the American Bar Association; over the past 10 years, the No. 1 cause of divorce is financial discord — I call it “financial infidelity.” Fibbing about money matters — unfortunately — has become commonplace.

Many marry without fully vetting the financial lives of their soon-to-be life partners and seldom face up to their own financial misgivings. We tend to inflate income and assets and devalue our liabilities and spending habits. The premarital debt that I had accrued was almost a deal breaker in my situation. Do this before getting hitched and you are most likely headed for a major relationship headache — “financial infidelity” can distort marital responsibilities. Get on the same page early and you will have mitigated the leading risk factor for divorce.

Here is a proposal — no pun intended. Exchange credit reports, credit card and bank statements and get with a financial coach or advisor and have pre-marital financial sessions. Full disclosure, candid discussions and developing a financial plan — in the premarital phase — can be one major tool that can keep you living in marital bliss. Remember, the wedding vows end with “Until death do us part” not with “Until debt do us part.” So, start memorizing those vows and start revealing your financial truth. Now, get your money right! –marilyn logan

Marilyn Logan aka “The Money Lady” is the author of I Can’t Afford to Marry You: A Guide to Understanding the True Cost of Love. www.marilynlogan.com