Do young black women prefer the gentlemen or the bad boys? Of course there is no singular answer, but from my observation, it seems as if many young women claim they want a man with gentleman-like qualities, but they go for the guys who most would consider the bad boys.
Beginning in high school, I noticed that trend. Most of the guys who were deemed most desirable were the ones who were causing trouble, getting into fights, and not doing too well in their classes. There were also the guys in the Advanced Placement and honors course who were usually well rounded, but they were typically departmentalized into the “friend” category. When I would discuss these guys with my girlfriends, someone always said something along the lines of, “He’s a nice guy; he’s just boring.” I’m pretty sure there are plenty of interesting “nice guys” out there, but sometimes they are overlooked because oftentimes nice is confused with boring.
As adolescents and young women, a lot of us claim to want something like a prince-charming…but end up falling for the frogs. Maybe bad boys are more desirable to young women because of the thrill associated with being with someone with rebellious qualities. Many bad boys carry themselves with a strong air of confidence, which is one of the most attractive qualities in a person. Not to say that nice guys are not confident, but sometimes it is not as apparent as the bad boys, whose confidence sometimes becomes arrogance.
Whatever the reasons may be regarding why bad boys may be more appealing to some women, another question remains: do these women expect the same treatment from bad boys that they would expect from the “nice guys”? I believe so, in many instances, and that’s where chaos ensues. A peer of mine named, Jeremy stated, “So many times I’ve seen women try to change bad guys into good guys. It’s as if they desire a challenge or something. Ultimately, I think all women probably want a nice guy, they want someone to treat them like a lady, and they want a gentleman. But then they go for the bad boys. If all women only went for the nice guys, I guarantee, more guys would try to be just that, because men pretty much try to emulate what they believe women want. A lot of what men do is for a women’s attention. If most women truly valued men who were intelligent, respectful, kind, and chivalrous, more guys would realize this and try to embody what it is they think is most attractive to the average woman. But if it seems that they value guys with lots of women, defiant men, or those involved with drama, then that is what some men will try to be.
It’s like a bell-curve, you can’t just be a total ass****, but you can’t be too nice either.” I do think that Jeremy has a point, if we, as young women, raised our expectations for how we want to be treated and what kind of relationship we want to pursue, and actuallu held men to those expectations, without accepting less, then we may see some changes.
A friend named, Kate, once said, “I just want a nice guy, but I keep ending up with these jerks.” What she said was true, she did keep ending up with jerks. However, these were not guys who started off as genuinely sweet guys, and then flipped the script later. She knew from the beginning that they were no good. But she was hopeful that over time their demeanors would change and a new person would blossom as their love bloomed. NOT. That is rarely how the story ends. And Kate’s love stories usually turned into tragedies. But not all love stories have to end this way. If you love bad boys, go for them! If you’re into nice guys, go for them! Just be sure to stay true to your desires. When you allow someone in your life who you know is not treating you the way you wish to be treated, those people are called “A wastes of time,” And there is no room for them in anyone’s life. I think more women should give the fun, nice guys a chance, who knows, they might be pleasantly surprised. –constance collins
