10. Wyclef’s “We Tryin’ to Stay Alive” from his The Carnival album will replace “La Dessalinienne” as the national anthem … in English.
9. Beef patties and cocoa bread from some bodega all the way in Brooklyn, N.Y., are now being served at all the rallies.
8. Yet another *Fugees Reunion* tour is scheduled for a series of campaign fundraisers … um, provided L-Boogie and Clef’s heads will be able to fit onto the stage at the same time.
7. Will.i. am is vice president.
6. Praz is Secretary of State.
5. Johh Forte is appointed the Administrator of Drug Enforcement … FAIL!
4. Lauryn Hill sings (and raps) a sexy rendition of “Happy Birthday Mr. President”
(Marilyn Monroe style) at the inauguration ball … only to breakdown crying midway and sadly, be led off the stage.
3. The remaining members of “City High”, “Melky Sedak” and those other two guys from the Black Eyed Peas are recruited as Secret Servicemen, since they are virtually unrecognizable anyway.
2. The “White-House Party-Crashers” attempt to pull the same reality TV stunt at Wyclef’s inaugural ball only to be publicly flogged and pistol-whipped by a Haitian gang turned personal body guards … ‘cuz um …, Clef- don’t-play-that, b—-es!
… And the No. 1 Sign That Wyclef Jean Is Running For President Of Haiti is … because the people want him to!
As an ambassador-at-large and the creator of Yéle Haiti, Wyclef has demonstrated his loyalty to his native country ever since his high school days. As for the citizens, they may regain hope that a “Change Gonna Come” and ACTUALLY see some of the monetary and social recovery promised to assist Haiti in its time of dire straits. Stranger things have happened and Wyclef has as much chance as the former actors — President Ronald Regan and Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger — of being taken seriously.
Let’s face it: We are living in the fame-obsessed future Andy Warhol predicted and who better than a celebrity to get people to emotionally (and financially) invest? Haiti’s’ revolution may not only be televised but win a MTV award for ÔBest-Relief-Album-For-Recovery-of –a-Third-World-Nation”… Toussaint-L’Ouverture would be proud.
** I dedicate this week’s column to the memory of the six young people who lost their lives in Shreveport, La., in a tragic drowning accident: Takeitha Warner, 13; JaMarcus Warner, 14; JaTavious Warner, 17; Litrelle Stewart, 18; LaDairus Stewart, 17; Latevin Stewart, 15; and to the surviving family members. You have my prayers and well wishes for peace and comfort.
–written and illustrated by lena hopkins-jackson
