For her upcoming episode of VH1’s “Behind the Music,” R&B legend Mary J. Blige delves deep into her painful past and opens up about her childhood molestation and how the pain of her abuse gave way to a near-fatal addiction to alcohol.
According to HipHopDX, during the episode, Blige talks about being molested at the age of 5. And while the singer won’t divulge the identity of the perpetrator, she explains that the horrific experience left her scarred for many years.
“When I was 5 years old I was molested and just, you know. I remember feeling, literally right before it happened, I just could not believe that this person was going to do this to me,” explains Blige. “That thing followed me all my life. The shame of thinking my molestation was my fault. It led me to believe I wasn’t worth anything.”
During the episode Blige also discusses her intense struggle with alcoholism during her adult years, and explains how the addiction culminated in a life-threatening emotional breakdown.
“The problem had snowballed into this thing that was bigger than me,” she says. “It was bigger than me. And it was definitely going to kill me. So I was like this is it and let’s go. And I remember sitting on my bed. I swear, I don’t know what death feels like, but I felt like my spirit was trying to leave my body. And I was crying, and I was going, ‘please God, no no, not now, I don’t want this.’ I remember saying a prayer, I said, ‘God, send me someone to help me.’ ”
According to Blige, she was able to beat her addiction with the help of her husband, Kendu Isaacs, and explains that her story of triumph is proof that anyone can overcome struggles of addiction and self-worth.
“This could have been a tragic story. Every single chapter,” says Blige. “I am the living proof that any person going through any kind of tragic situation in their lives — any molestation, any self-hatred, anything terrible, you can get out, you can make it.”
Blige’s episode of “Behind the Music” airs Sunday, July 24 at 10 p.m. EST. –nicholas robinson