Keshie Young remembers her son, Donald Fuzzell

 

Keshia Young mother of Donald Fuzzell holding her sons ashes. - Photo courtesy of family
Keshie Young, mother of Donald Fuzzell, holding her son’s ashes. (Photo courtesy of family)

Many are falling victim to senseless violence every day and leaving family members behind to mourn them. These killings are not without consequence and it is important to recognize the anguish these mothers are experiencing. Maybe their stories will help someone else. We spoke with Keshie Young about her son, Donald Dionte Fuzzell. Pay attention to her words.

My son was the second child out of four children born to me and he was my only son. He was a dreamer and very protective of his sisters and mother. When he was about 12 years old me and his father separated and he felt he was the man of the house. Donald had a big heart, he was the kind of person if you were in a bad or sad mood he would just make you laugh, he always had jokes. He was a factual person, his philosophy, if you can’t change whatever, he felt [there] was no need to ponder the “what ifs,”  just accept it and move on. If he was able to help you in any way, he would. My son had a smile that was contagious he always had a smile on his face.

I would tell the public that losing a child is life-changing, but through violence it’s like PTSD. When a child is diagnosed with cancer you prepare yourself for the day, you have an opportunity to process this soon to be lost. But murder, has no process. You go through your daily activities as normal or best you can like before this horrible event happened, but you are not normal any more. Anything can trigger an attack of sadness or overwhelming grief. I could be in my car having a good day and a song could come on the radio that makes me think of him and I will instantly just break out in tears. I have been at church and see a mother walk in with her son and become so sad because I wish it was me and my son. I could be at a restaurant and I will order something to eat that I know he would like and that meal in some odd way would make me feel closer to him. He is always on my mind, when I smile I am thinking of him, when I am sleep I am dreaming of him and when I am alone I am crying for him. I have even thought about dying so I could be with him

When it first happened I had to learn how to do everyday things like cooking and grocery shopping differently, because it would be certain things that he was the only one in the house that ate that particular food so I had to remind myself I no longer had to buy it or I didn’t have to cook as much because he was no longer here. With that, there goes another attack of sadness. The simplest things can just cause you to break out in tears.

Some people understand, but most don’t get it. You can tell that it makes them uncomfortable when you talk about your child or mention them in a conversation because they don’t know how to react or how you may react. So you start avoiding them or not including his name in the conversation to make them comfortable but really in your heart all you want to do is talk about your child so you can feel like he is still alive and part of your everyday life.

Unfortunately, I was not prepared emotionally or financially so I was not able to bury my child, I had to cremate him. Now I talk to my son in a box that sits on a table.

My faith in God is the only thing that makes it easier to get up and keep going, because of my faith I know I will see my son again.

Eddy "Precise" Lamarre
Eddy "Precise" Lamarre

Eddy Lamarre aka Precise is a father, emcee, motivational speaker, blogger and performing artist. Follow his blog at precisemuzic.com



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