During a 2012 radio interview with Pablo Sato, co-host of “Pablo & Free” on WPGC 95.5, a Washington, D.C.-area hip-hop radio station, our first lady was asked, “Mrs. Obama, you know what, in your words, tell us what you think the state of the union is right now?” She replied, “I mean, we are seeing right now that we are in the midst of a huge recovery. Right? Because of what this president has done.” In 2016, we are still digging in a candy bag filled with sweet morsels of hope.
We’re down to our very last piece and are facing a bitter reality in our community that not even a bulk serving of hope can make palatable. It’s the 240 shooting deaths in Chicago since Jan. 1 of this year, the Ferguson Effect and the subsequent innocent deaths across the country. Recovery from this type of grief requires more than access to better and cheaper health care, free or more affordable college tuition, a higher minimum wage, and enhanced Medicare and Social Security — still, this progression is extraordinary and undeniably important.
In the first five months of 2016, someone was shot every 2 1/2 hours and someone murdered every 14 hours, for a total of nearly 1,400 victims, nonfatal in the Second City. These statistics drown out any conversations about the recovery that makes Washington, D.C., proud. Given the shootings in Baton Rouge, Dallas and Orlando, “law and order” is fodder at this week’s Republican National Convention and there’s a quest to “Make America Safe Again.” We, Black Americans, know we must step up, lean in and take control of our Black communities. That requires us to encourage and edify our children, and restore confidence in our families. Here are some real life stories about tackling grief and recovery while we maintain in this state of uncertainty.
Most Black parents raise their children to be upstanding and respectful. Our hope is that we see our children grow to be amazing adults adding value to society. Sadly, many parents in Chicago never get to realize this because of the violence that continues to impact the city’s neighborhoods. Courtney Copeland was a well-respected, hardworking young man. He had goals and dreams. According to friends and family, he had a positive spirit that was infectious. Despite all of these qualities, Courtney became a victim of violence after being murdered on March 4, 2016. The investigation into his death remains ongoing.
We spoke with his father, Brent Wells. He shared his feelings, pain and what it’s been like adjusting to his new normal in the article titled, “Brent Wells adjusts to his new normal after the murder of his son.”
What has been the hardest part of dealing with losing a child?
Just the fact that he was murdered was hard enough because he was a good child and didn’t deserve what had happened to him.
What would you like to say to the person who took your child’s life?
Why? Why did you shoot him? I know for a fact, he did nothing to provoke you.
How has this affected your daily life?
They say you have to adjust to this “new normal” but losing a child isn’t normal. To lose someone you raised, took to school, taught about God, taught how to drive, played video games and cracked jokes with is hard. Just trying to adjust to the fact my boy is gone just ain’t easy.
What would you like to say to the public? What don’t they understand?
As a parent, I’ve experienced happiness and some disappointment; however, I never thought I would experience the greatest pain that a parent would ever feel, [which] is to lose their child, especially to gun violence. My wife and I did our absolute best, and we still get feedback to this day on how he inspired someone, helped someone who was down, and just looked out for people sometimes not even knowing them. I want people to know Courtney was a good child that grew up to be a good man who was loved by many. Unfortunately, he became another innocent victim to the senseless gun violence that has plagued the city for decades. He will be missed. I miss him.
The rollingout.com article “Parents discuss violence in Chicago and talk solutions” reads in part:
As I drive into Foster Park on the South Side of Chicago on a beautiful Sunday afternoon it feels like any other day. There is a swim meet going on in the field house. Couples are sitting on park benches staring into each other’s eyes. Families are gathered together enjoying each other’s company and good food at the same time. The sky is blue and the mood is peaceful. It’s a stark contrast to the Foster Park of a few weeks ago when four people and an aspiring rapper by the name of Thugga were shot and killed while filming a music video at the park.
There is no lack of Chicago violence stories in the news. This has helped to paint a picture of fear and despair in many parts of the city. It’s understandable to hear someone who is not a Chicago native say they are afraid of the city and would never go to the South Side. However, we were curious about how Chicago natives feel about the rash of violence going on in the city. We were fortunate enough to speak with the McAfee and Martin families who were in the park enjoying some family time and we asked them a few questions. “The violence in Chicago is going on because we have been taught that we are less than; therefore, we treat ourselves and others as though we are less than. Our lives don’t matter to us and our lives don’t matter to anybody else,” says Chicagoan Bionca McAfee Martin.
Bionca’s father, Dwayne McAfee, a resident of Chicago for the past 28 years, adds,“It’s outrageous and it doesn’t make sense. Part of the problem is the Black men have failed and we have too many children raising children. We need everybody to stand up and be accountable. We have to do the right things, put yourself in the right situations and environment and hope that others can elevate themselves. We keep operating in a cesspool and we need to elevate this. We can’t make others care about our lives until we care about our own. We have to make our young boys understand at ages 7, 8 and 10 that their lives are important, so that by the time they get to be teenagers they [won’t] have a gun in their hand thinking that it’s some rite of passage.”
We asked Percy Walters, a youth football coach of the Homewood Flossmoor Jr. Vikings, about how being a coach helps teach and guide our children. His thoughts are highlighted in the feature, “Percy Walters talks being a coach and encouraging our children.”
Read an excerpt from the article:
Why do you think it is important for children to participate in organized sports?
I believe that sports teaches kids so many lessons that translate to real life. You learn how to work in a team setting, which is beneficial for any career later in life. Kids experience how to take direction and to work under pressure. Sports teaches kids to not give up and to keep on going in pursuit of your goals. Kids who play sports understand these concepts at an early age.
What are the parallels between coaching and being a father?
Coaching and being a father are both role models. Coaches have to lead by example on the field and fathers as well. A father is the leader of his family and that unit is a team. Every person in the family has a function and role just as players on a team have. I believe that fathers and coaches look for examples to teach life lessons to their kids and players.
How do you encourage a child athlete facing adversity?
Adversity on and off the field is unavoidable. I believe in explaining to the kid what our options are moving forward. I like to put a positive spin on any situation and explain how this parallels real life and what we all can learn from it. That perspective has enabled me to use the negative situation and turn it into a coachable moment.
Story by Eddy “Precise” Lamarre
Additional reporting by Yvette Caslin
