Experiencing a miscarriage is a deeply personal and often isolating tragedy that can leave a pregnant person grappling with a whirlwind of emotions, from grief and anger to guilt and confusion. It’s a loss that doesn’t just affect them physically but also mentally and emotionally. For those close to them, offering support during this time is crucial but can also feel overwhelming. Knowing what to say, how to act and when to step in or give space can be challenging. We’ll explore how to support someone who has had a miscarriage, offering insights into the best ways to provide comfort, understanding and care.
Understanding the emotional impact of miscarriage
Miscarriage is not just a medical event; it’s an emotional journey filled with grief that needs to be acknowledged. For many people, the loss of a pregnancy represents the loss of a dream, a future they had begun to imagine. This can lead to feelings of deep sorrow, guilt/ and even shame, despite miscarriage being a common occurrence.
One of the first steps in supporting a pregnant person who has experienced this loss is understanding that their grief is valid, regardless of the stage at which the miscarriage occurred. Each person’s experience is unique, and their response to the miscarriage can vary widely. Some may openly express their sadness, while others might keep their feelings bottled up, fearing judgment or misunderstanding.
Offering immediate support
When it comes to offering support, words matter. A simple “I’m so sorry for your loss” can go a long way in acknowledging the pregnant person’s pain. However, it’s equally important to listen more than you speak. Allow them to share their feelings without interruption or judgment. If they don’t want to talk, your presence alone can be comforting.
Avoid saying things that, although well-intentioned, might diminish her feelings, such as “You can try again” or “It wasn’t meant to be.” These statements while intended to provide comfort, can sometimes come off as dismissive of her grief. Instead, affirm their right to feel whatever they are feeling and offer unconditional support.
Physical comfort is also important. Simple gestures like a warm hug, holding their hand or sitting beside them can offer solace. Be attentive to their needs and follow their lead: if they want to be alone, respect that, but let them know you are there for them whenever they need.
Long-term support
The pain of miscarriage doesn’t go away overnight. Long after the initial shock has worn off, the grief may linger, sometimes resurfacing during significant dates like the due date or the anniversary of the loss. Long-term support means being there through these moments, offering understanding and compassion as they navigate their grief.
Encourage them to seek professional help if they feel overwhelmed by their emotions. Therapy can be a safe space for them to process their feelings, and joining a support group might help them connect with others who have gone through similar experiences. However, be careful not to pressure them into seeking help before they’re ready; instead, gently offer suggestions and be supportive of their decisions.
Helping them memorialize the loss can also be a meaningful way to offer support. Whether it’s planting a tree, lighting a candle on significant dates or creating a small keepsake, these acts of remembrance can help them feel that their loss is acknowledged and that their baby’s memory is honored.
Supporting their physical health
After a miscarriage, a pregnant’s body needs time to heal. Encourage them to follow their doctor’s advice and to take the time they need to recover physically. This may include getting plenty of rest, eating nutritious meals and gradually resuming physical activities when they feel ready.
Offer to assist with practical tasks that might feel overwhelming during this time, such as cooking, cleaning or running errands. Taking on these responsibilities can give them the space they need to focus on her emotional and physical recovery without the added stress of daily chores.
Supporting the partner and family dynamics
It’s important to remember that miscarriage affects not only the pregnant person but also their partner and family. The partner may also be grieving, and they might struggle with knowing how best to support their person while managing their own emotions. Encourage open communication between them, and remind both that it’s okay to seek support from each other and from external sources, like counseling.
If there are other children in the family, they may also need support in understanding and coping with the loss. Depending on their age, explaining the situation in a way they can comprehend is crucial. This can be a difficult conversation, but it’s important for helping the kids process the changes in the family dynamic.
Continuing the journey together
Supporting a pregnant person who has experienced a miscarriage is about being there, both in the immediate aftermath and in the months and years to come. It’s about listening, offering comfort and helping them find ways to heal at their own pace. By providing compassionate, patient and understanding support, you can help them navigate this painful journey and move toward healing. Remember, your role is not to fix the situation but to stand beside them, ensuring they know they’re not alone.
In time, they might begin to heal, finding strength in themselves and in the support system around them. Your kindness and support during this challenging time can make a profound difference, helping them to feel seen, heard and cared for.
