At 45 years old, television producer and writer Shonda Rhimes is getting candid about marriage.
It might not sound like much of a revelation, but during a particularly transparent convo with Oprah on OWN’s “SuperSoul Sunday,” Rhimes explained how it’s actually a pivotal moment for a woman of a certain age (late 30s to 40s) to declare publicly, “I don’t want to get married.”
“[It] feels obvious and maybe silly or something to people who are married or people who are older, people who have been through it,” Rhimes said “But if you’re a woman in your 30s or 40s, that’s a big deal. Everybody’s asking you all the time if it’s going to happen … There’s a huge amount of pressure.”
The mother of three went on to compare the pressure to how women are pressed to become mothers. “It’s a lot like the desire to want to have children in our society,” Rhimes said. “You’re supposed to want it, and if you don’t want it, what’s wrong with you?”
And while Rhimes admits she always wanted to become a parent, becoming a wife was never part of her big dream; even stretching back to early childhood.
“I’m one of those people, since I was 5, I could tell you I was going to have kids. I could tell you I was going to have three. I could tell you they were going to be girls,” she says. “But I have never wanted to get married. I never played bride. I was never interested. I don’t know what it is; I never wanted to get married.”
But that doesn’t mean she shies away from relationships altogether. “I love having boyfriends. I love dating,” Rhimes clarifies. “I do not want a husband in my house.”
Winfrey on the other hand, revealed at one point she wanted nothing more than to tie the knot with her longtime beau, Stedman Graham.
“I don’t know if I’ve ever said this publicly, but I really wanted to be wanted to be married to,” Oprah says. “I wanted Stedman to want to marry me. The moment he asked me to marry him I was, like … ‘Now I actually have to get married?’ ”
Graham proposed more than 20 years ago. However, the two never walked down the aisle. “I was supposed to do a book at the same time … and the wedding and the book were happening around the same time. We were on our way from the book party and Stedman said he did not want to have his wedding disturbed by all these people asking me about the book — which I ended up not doing,” Oprah says. “I said, ‘OK. All right.’ So he said, ‘We should just postpone this wedding.’ I said, ‘OK.’ And that was it. We have never discussed it again.”
It turns out however, the delay helped the talk show mogul come to an important realization about herself. “What I realized is, I don’t want to be married,” said Oprah. “Because I could not have the life that I created for myself … I knew that I couldn’t do it.”
Oddly enough, it appears that Rhimes and Winfrey believe that they couldn’t have it all … a husband, family, and a career. In the end, they chose success over love. And while there’s nothing wrong with that. Let’s keep it real, women juggle all three every day! What do you think of Rhimes and Winfrey’s candid comments about marriage? Sound off in the comment section below.
