Tiger Woods Makes First Appearance: 6 Things He Shouldn’t Say

Tiger Woods is back in the news after a three-month hiatus due to his sordid sex life coming into plain view. His jump-offs turned on him, one after the other, exposing his love for a little “sumthin’ sumthin’ ” on the side and it was alleged that his wife retaliated by knocking his teeth out with something near and dear to his heart: a golf club. The “other women” came out of the woodwork, not out of a sense of duty to his wife, but to possibly cash in on the publicity and compensation that was being offered in exchange for their accounts of his affairs.

All kinds of theories abound about why he did what he did, as well as whether or not his wife would ever take him back. He’s even been rumored to have checked into a sex rehab clinic to work through his demons and to win her heart and his career back, but no one knew for sure. Now, we may be close to finding out.

Tiger has scheduled a press conference to take place on Friday morning in Florida and the media are chomping at the bit. There are many things he will be expected to say, but here are six things he shouldn’t say:

1. I made a very serious mistake, a mistake that I am responsible for and no one else. I told Elizabeth [Elin] about the mistake, asked her for her forgiveness, asked God for His forgiveness. And we have kept this within our family since that time. –John Edwards

2. I’ve had sexual relationships with female [staffers] and someone is trying to extort $2 million from me. –David Letterman

3. Those b—-es set me up. –Marion Barry

4. I categorically deny all their charges, it’s just a lynching for uppity blacks! –Clarence Thomas

5. I did not have sexual relations with that woman! –Bill Clinton

6. There is a possibility. If you said, `Did you make love to those women?’ the answer is yes. –Bill Cosby