She yelled. She pouted. She cried. She yelled some more. She even said that I was insensitive, and suggested that maybe I wasn’t my mother’s child. Now all of this happened within a 30-minute window where all I did was kiss her on the cheek and turn on the “What’s Happening” marathon. (Seriously, that’s all I did.) The following morning, she called saying that she hoped I wasn’t mad, because that’s just how she gets when her cycle is about to begin.
Sound familiar?
Every day, men and women experience these types of “incidents” within their relationships. And every day, some woman attempts to dismiss her behavior as par for the course because of PMS. (Not all women do this. There are a few saintly women like my mother, my sister, and that white lady who played Webster’s adopted mother, who would never behave in this manner.)
Listen; I’m in no way attempting to downplay the more than 200 scientifically proven symptoms that are associated with PMS. But what I am saying is that PMS doesn’t give a woman a monthly pass to inflict a reign of terror on her significant other. To be even more specific, there are three types of behaviors that are simply inexcusable.
PMS doesn’t give you the right to be rude.
Much like the situation in the opening, some women use this monthly window as an opportunity to throw various insults at their significant other. Some even take it a step further by also including his family and friends. I can remember one ex-girlfriend in particular, who actually told my mother that if we were to get married that she would be an even better wife and mother than my mother ever was.
Side note: I just received word from my family’s attorney that I can no longer speak about this incident until my mother gets the assault charges dropped.
What I will tell you is this: my ex would later explain away her poor choice of words by saying she was just “feeling hormonal at the time.” My response to her?
“If it’s not acceptable to say at any other point in time, then PMS doesn’t magically make it OK.”’
Needless to say, we broke up shortly after that. (Hmmm … I wonder if I can get back that autographed Balki from “Perfect Strangers” T-shirt that I gave her.)
PMS doesn’t give you the right to start random arguments.
Like most men, I loathe random arguments. But that dislike reaches new heights when it’s brought on by PMS. You can tell when it’s happening too, as anything that you do–no matter how sweet–prompts an unrelated argument. It could go something like this:
“Hey sweetheart, I wanted to make your day easier, so I went ahead and picked up your dry cleaning and cooked dinner. All you have to do is come home and relax.”
Her response?
“I didn’t ask you to do any of that. Every time I look up, you’re always trying to do things for me and run my life. I don’t need a father. I’m a grown woman, and if you want to do something for me, then I expect you to ask first. And another thing; how could you …” (At this point, she starts sounding like Charlie Brown’s teacher, and the man zones out.)
So what’s the reasoning behind such bizarre behavior? Well, maybe she just feels terrible, and wants you to share her pain. (By the way, that mind-set probably explains why Keyshia Cole sings live — she must be transferring her pre-menstrual misery onto the rest of the world.)
No matter the reason, this behavior is not OK.
PMS doesn’t give you the right to be violent.
A close friend called me the other day, and confessed that his girlfriend slapped him while in the middle of a disagreement. (Now I’m sure he said something after that, but I couldn’t hear him over my laughter.)
When I checked back in with him the next day, he attempted to smooth things over by saying “everything is cool now. She was just acting out because of her PMS. I’m used to it by now.”
My message to him was that he shouldn’t be used to it. If it’s not OK for a man to put his hands on a woman when he’s stressed out about his job or the economy, then it’s equally not OK for a woman to do the same because of PMS. The bottom line is that you should never resort to violence in a relationship — even if it does provide me with endless comedic material.
Let’s just all keep our hands to ourselves. Agreed?
The Conclusion: Now unless you have a note from your doctor that offers a medical explanation for your maniacal behavior, then some of these wild emotions need to be kept in check. As men, we understand the importance of doing our part by being sympathetic to the endless changes that a woman’s body goes through each month, but you have to meet us halfway. Because if you continuously cross the line into the “no fly” zone as listed above, then we’ll be forced to place you in the crazy category with LaToya Jackson and all of the other women currently on our “can’t f— with” list. (Trust me, such a list exists.)
At the end of the day, I think we can all agree that no one wants to be placed on any list with LaToya. Can we at least agree on that point? –dewayne rogers
**DeWayne Rogers is the author of The Fly Guy Chronicles, your in-depth guide to love, relationships and everything hazy in-between.
