(As told to me by Riley “Escobar” Freeman from “The Boondocks”)
REAL “G” SOLUTION 10#…….World’s Biggest Fish-Fry: We could call it the “Under-The Sea Cookout”… I’m getting the “ITIS” just thinkin’ about it! Yo’ check It:
dem’ fish already dead anyway… right? Ain’t nobody thinkin’ bout’ dem’ fish … right?
In fact we doin’ the Ocean a favor by having this fish fry; we could charge $5.00 a plate and half the money….um, I mean 1/3…..naw, some of the proceeds can go to paying off this deficit my man Obeezy inherited!
REAL “G” SOLUTION 9#……. World’s Biggest Pelican & Seagull Fry:
Basically the same concept as the fish-fry, we just usin’ birds,… thass’ all ya’ll, thass’ all! … and I hear those sea-birds taste just like chicken if you season them right!
REAL “G” SOLUTION 8#………. Hair-Oil For Hard To Lay Down Weaves:
Yo’, did you peep that movie “Good Hair?” Did you see how much cheddar ‘dem Malaysians and Indians be making off black people tryin’ to get hair like white people?? Uh-huh-Uh-huh… I see an opportunity knocking, don’t you? If me and my boys can dip into that BP oil and sell it by the gallon to all these Beyoncè wannabees, maaaaan, we shutting down Revlon, Dark & Lovely, Isoplus and every corner-market Asian hair-supply store out of business! I’m goin’ Tony Montana on ‘dem marks! Yeea-Ah!
REAL “G” SOLUTION 7#……. Lotion For Ashy People: Need I say more? A jar of Vaseline or cocoa butter just don’t seem to do it for some niggas; their legs and feet be looking so white it’s like they got that ‘light-skin-people-creating’ disease Michael Jackson swore he had.
REAL “G” SOLUTION 6#. ….. The Biggest Oil & Water Super-Soaker fight ever!!! Yeah, yeah… I know oil and water don’t mix, but it did anyway, didn’t it — didn’t it??!! So since the oil is already there polluting future crabby patty sandwiches and Red Lobster specials, why not make a game out of it?! We could load up our water guns and get it on and poppin’ for weeks, whatever oil is left over the losing team has to clean it up….and naw, I don’t know what that other team is gon’ do with it, my job was to find out how to make use of the oil that’s already there….“oil-disposal is anutha’ nigga’s job!
REAL “G” SOLUTION 5#. …. Let The Mexicans Over There Clean It up
They need the work don’t they? I may be wrong for this one, but I figure they owe us anyway after putting all these “Checks-Cashed” and “Taco-Bells” up in the hood
(Can a brother eat a burrito, just one without getting the ‘Hershey squirts’….I’m sayin’ …d@yum )
REAL “G” SOLUTION 4#.. Pour Some of That Oil into the Water-Jets and Boats That Are Already Out There: It’s that simple. I don’t know why Obeezy and nem’ BP gangsters didn’t already come up with this one themselves! As matter a fact, tell the White House staff to go ahead and get my corner office ready … my solutions to the BP screw-up was a freebie, the rest of my ideas are gonna’ cost you!
I don’t care if the USA is in debt…:$@^#%-YOU…PAY-ME!
REAL “G” SOLUTION 3#. ….I dunno’ yet nigga, I’m only eight years old…..gimme’ a second…d@yum!
….. right now I’m wondering where’s Al Gore when you need him?!! You couldn’t throw a bubble-gum wrapper on the ground without him sayin’ it was gonna’ destroy the Ozone layer back-in-the-day! If he wants to save the planet, put HIM on clean-up duty!
…and my hater-brother Huey wants to know how come the USA didn’t see this coming after the Exxon Valdez disaster which is a whole-nutha’oil spill from a long time ago…are the two supposed to be related or somethin’, what?
REAL “G” SOLUTION 2# …. Pimp-Your-Ride-On-The-Ocean-Wide Car Show!
Hold me down cuz’ ya’ll ain’t ready for this! Anybody can go to an average car show on land … but real folk is takin’ it up a notch every day, flippin’ the game with somethin’ new… we takin’ it to the sea now! Check it: we fill up the cars with that BP oil and just let ‘em float on hydraulics and 175 inch dubs!!! BANANAS!!!
…and the number 1# REAL “G” SOLUTION To Handle This BP Oil Spill…
Make ‘dem BP b**** clean up their own damn mess; every last one of ‘em from the CEO to the dumb @ss who was at the wheel….that should have been the solution on day one!
Pimp, out……..
–written & illustrated by lena hopkins-jackson (With all due respect and love to Aaron McGruder)
