Here’s a moment of honesty. No matter how many books you buy, how many friends you ask, or even how many love advice columns you read, (yes, even this one), you will never be able to fully uncover the true secret to having a successful dating life.
There are just too many variables involved to ever have it totally figured out. I know this news may be more of a let down than the time I asked Milli Vanilli to sing Happy Birthday to my mom, but I do have some good news for you. While I can’t guarantee you a life happily ever after, what I can do is increase the likelihood of your relationship’s success by sharing with you “The Fly Guy Dating Commandments.” So read, learn, and apply them to your dating life so you too can begin down that beautiful path to relationship bliss.
Thou Shalt Leave the Past in the Past
In the past, I’ve written about the dangers of constantly dwelling on past relationships. I have compared it to driving on a busy highway while focusing your eyes on the rearview mirror. Something is just bound to go wrong. In fact, you’d probably have a better chance at convincing Al Sharpton to wear his hair natural, than to find any type of dating success while you’re still focused on your former loves. It’s time to let it go.
Thou Shalt Not Group Date
The worst possible setting for getting to know someone is on a group date. Now don’t get me wrong, occasionally hanging out with mutual friends can be a lot of fun; but the added audience just makes it that much more difficult to get to the true core of a person. You may want to leave your friends out of this one … at least for the time being.
Thou Shalt Not Lead the Other Person On
If someone is really into you but the feelings aren’t mutual, then make it known. Leading someone on will probably lead to an even worse outcome than the time I hired Mike Tyson to manage my finances. In the end, it never works out well for either party involved. Besides, do you really want to have that on your conscience? Karma can be oh so real.
Thou Shalt Take Your Time
Once a few good feelings are stirred up between two people, it’s very common to want to rush things a bit. One reader shared that he had never met a woman who laughed at his jokes before. When “Gina” came along he was pretty sure that she was the one … of course, this was all after a 15-minute conversation in a crowded club. But unlike Mr. “Jump-the-broom-on-day-one,” make sure you still take some time to get to know the person first. If it’s really meant to be, then that person will still be there while you take the necessary time to make sure the relationship is right for you.
Thou Shalt Be Yourself
Why do some people act as if they are this fictitious perfect catch on the first couple of dates? To me, that makes about as much sense as those two girls in Dirty Money acting like they are more than background singers. The real you is so much more intriguing than anyone else that you can ever pretend to be. So let all romantic contenders get to know that person. You may be surprised by the positive response that you get.
Thou Shalt Love Yourself
I’ve said it before, and I will continue to say it: No one will ever be able to fully love you until you’re able to love yourself. That one point probably gets overlooked more often than Bobby Brown trying to get approved for a bank loan. Once you understand how to properly love yourself, you’ll then be able to effectively communicate how you desire to be loved by someone else.
Thou Shalt Use The Opportunity To Grow As A Person
Even if the relationship ends up being more disappointing than a Color Me Badd Greatest Hits Album, you should still use the opportunity to grow as a person. Your greatest periods of growth always seem to come during the low moments of life. So take every dating situation, whether good or bad, and allow those lessons to upgrade you.
Thou Shalt Not Give Up
Some people are able to find “the one” relatively quickly. But for others, the dating process can be about as frustrating as the time I had to sit through a Jennifer Lopez acoustic concert. But no matter how bleak the dating landscape may appear to be at the moment, there will always be brighter days ahead. You just have to believe.
The Fly Moral: While all of the commandments are equally important, I’d like to once again stress the importance of the last commandment, “Thou Shalt Not Give Up.” I’d be lying to you if I said that it was easy out here. But just like anything else in life, if you’re not willing to work for it, then is it really worth it in the end? That’s the question that you need to ask yourself on those frustrating nights alone when you’re about ready to throw in the towel. Your time will come … I’m sure of it.
–dewayne rogers
**DeWayne Rogers is the author of The Fly Guy Chronicles; your in-depth guide to love, relationships and everything hazy in between.
