Fox News is at it again. Neo-con glimmer twins Anne Coulter and Shawn Hannity celebrated Halloween by doing a shallow dive into why Herman Cain can’t get any love (no pun intended). In less than five minutes, the two swung a Little League-sized big bat and heralded Cain’s background and lineage while disparaging President Obama. The elusive liberal media took it on the chin as well, but remain unidentified as to exactly who or what that is. Let’s take a stab at deciphering.
“We have very impressive Blacks in the Republican party.”
Interpreted: Our black folk are shiny, articulate and smell like Downy. They know a Burgundy can only come from a region in France and wouldn’t dare attempt ice hockey in respect to their genetically weak ankles.
“Well, there are many wonderful qualities to Herman Cain but, to be honest with you, liberals are too dense to see it.”
Interpreted: For instance, a black man who loves pizza. That alone proves he embraces other nationalities … that are Anglo and come here legally. Otherwise, they will fry like chicken on the electric fence. How cool is that and we know you understand fried chicken?! And don’t forget, he applied to Georgia Tech and Georgia. It was the Democrats/Dixiecrats Jim Crow-rule that kept him out, thank you very much. Morehouse College should hold him in as high regard as that commie-loving, Dr. King! The Herman Cain Library for International Food and Beverage Studies would be a great start, we feel.
“We have a special place in society because of slavery – “thanks!” Democrats!”
Interpreted: see above …
“Our blacks are so much better than their blacks. To become a Black Republican, you don’t just roll into it, you’re not just going with the flow. You have probably fought against your family members, fought against your neighbors, you have thought everything out. And, that is why we have very impressive blacks in the Republican Party.”
Interpreted: See, everybody knows, give your blacks a coupon for two wings and a biscuit and — ‘BINGO!’ — it’s ‘on and poppin’, as you people say. No thought (your blacks can’t think), just basal actions like eating. Your blacks are the equivalent to sharks: peanut-sized brains, but plenty of brawn used to eat and sleep and fart and vote for anybody put in front of them and can’t possibly be and “independent” because that requires comprehension that your blacks simply don’t have.
“(Cain) was a math major; he was literally a rocket scientist.”
Interpreted: Name one other black pizza-making, math majoring rocket scientist. Go on. I dare ya’. Herman Cain is the man; if he can’t cipher, no one can! Goooooooooooooooo, Herman! (Official GOP chant.)
“(Obama) is the son of a Kenyan, not an American black. He is the son of a Kenyan.”
Interpreted: (*sniff*sniff) We like our black politicians organic and home-grown. We simply must have some “massa” coursing through the veins or it’s impossible to prove authentication. Of course, that is, unless it is the American corporate landscape when we LUVS some melanin from Africa! We know they haven’t been indoctrinated with that silly civil rights crap your blacks use to get free stuff at Wal-Mart and car washes with every third fill-up.
