Raising our daughters: Let’s not pass down the ‘petty’

Photo Credit: Shutterstock/Monkey Business Images
Photo Credit: Shutterstock/Monkey Business Images

We live in a time where being “petty” and throwing “shade” are often bragged about. Women and girls alike, are often heard or seen talking about how petty they’ve been or how much shade they’ve thrown to someone. Some wear petty and shade like they are badges of honor — not just your favorite celebrities and public figures, but everyday moms and around-the-way girls.

When I was younger, I used to think that it was “real” to be blatantly outspoken, like almost to the point where I should have lost friends. I didn’t though, because we were all that way. Back then, we called it being “real,” I guess. Now petty and shade are the new real, and it’s starting to get very old.


There’s nothing cute about embarrassing other people, or being rude for no reason. Yes, we all have our days where being nice doesn’t make the to-do list, but still we have to do better. If not for ourselves and other women around us, we must for our daughter and all other girls who look up to us.

What would the world be like if we raised another generation of women who are so busy competing with and shading one another, that they don’t know how to unite? Now, we have some strong women who are pushing unity and displaying all types of #BlackGirlMagic together, but the pettiness is starting to outshine the good.


We can’t be pro-women one day, and queen petty the next. It just doesn’t work like that. Women have come very far, we’re constantly breaking barriers and doing things that have been owned by men for far too long.

There are levels to pettiness, and some aren’t as bad as others. The type of petty I’m hoping we rise above is the type that finds it funny to demean other women, or people in general. Or the ones who do everything in their power to bring someone else down, for the sake of being petty. Last but not least, are the bitter ones who take petty to the level of keeping a man away from his children out of spite.

As a mother, I can’t afford for my petty to shine brighter than my greatness. I can’t be the queen of throwing shade for no reason, when my princess is growing up in my shadow. If I want her to be a better person than me, I must continue to be better than my prior self. If that means being petty is no more, than so be it.

This may sound like it’s not much of an issue, but when you look around and see how petty is being celebrated and portrayed, you will understand that it can and will be a bigger problem. Ladies, can we stop praising petty and saluting shade? I’m sure there are far more traits for us to celebrate. Let’s not pass down the petty.

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