Gabourey Sidibe gets real about depression and eating disorders

NEW YORK, NY - DECEMBER 10: Actress Gabourey Sidibe attends the opening night of The Color Purple at The Bernard B. Jacobs Theatre on December 10, 2015 in New York, New York. Photo by Raymond Hagans/Steed Media Service

In addition to recently revealing she underwent weight-loss surgery, “Empire” star Gabourey Sidibe, 33, is getting real about her bout with depression and bulimia in her new memoir, This Is Just My Face: Try Not to Stare.

In a clip of Sidibe’s Audible audiobook, shared via People, the Oscar nominee said, “Here’s the thing about therapy and why it’s so important. I love my mom, but there’s so much I couldn’t talk to her about during my Hoe Phase. I couldn’t tell her that I couldn’t stop crying and that I hated everything about myself. Whenever I did try to open up, my mom seemed unconcerned. When I was sad about something, she told me to ‘get a thicker skin.’ When I was upset, she told me to ‘stop nitpicking.’ My mom has always had faith that things would be okay, but saying ‘tomorrow will be a better day’ wasn’t enough for me.”


“When I first told her I was depressed, she laughed at me. Literally. Not because she’s a terrible person, but because she thought it was a joke. How could I not be able to feel better on my own, like her, like her friends, like normal people? So I just kept thinking my sad thoughts — thoughts about dying,” she continued in the book.

According to Sidibe, everything came to a head during college when she began suffering from panic attacks and stopped eating, often for days at a time. “Often, when I was too sad to stop crying, I drank a glass of water and ate a slice of bread, and then I threw it up,” she added. “After I did, I wasn’t as sad anymore; I finally relaxed. So I never ate anything, until I wanted to throw up — and only when I did could I distract myself from whatever thought was swirling around my head.”


After opening up about thoughts of suicide, Sidibe revealed she was diagnosed with both depression and bulimia by a healthcare professional and has since continued to manage her mental health condition with treatment such as antidepressants and therapy.

“I found a doctor and told her everything that was wrong with me. I’d never run down the entire list before, but as I heard myself, I could sense that dealing with this on my own was definitely no longer an option,” she writes. “The doctor asked me if I wanted to kill myself. I said, ‘Meh, not yet. But when I do, I know how I’ll do it.’ I wasn’t afraid to die, and if there was a button I could’ve pushed to erase my existence from earth, I would have pushed it because it would have been easier and less messy than offing myself. According to the doctor, that was enough.”

This Is Just My Face: Try Not to Stare is in stores now. Will you be buying? Sound off in the comment section below.

Recommended
You May Also Like
Join Our Newsletter
Picture of R. Hawkins
R. Hawkins
Humble with a hint of Muhammad Ali...
Subscribe
Notify of
0 Comments
Oldest
Newest Most Voted
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Read more about: