Being on lock-down during the pandemic was trying on everyone, no doubt. For some this meant joining TikTok for entertaining dances and jokes, others picked up hobbies and DIY projects, but many people took to the internet to search for love. Eight of the largest dating apps in the U.S. saw a 12.6% year-over-year increase in monthly active users in the final quarter of 2020. Though there are success stories, being a black woman makes navigating these spaces twice as hard.
So here are some red flags to help potentially save you some time.
If a potential partner shares with you that they “do not see color”, unless they are actually colorblind, run for the hills. Whether black themselves or any other race, it is impossible to be empathetic to or educated on the black experience if you are still avoiding its truth by claiming to not see color. This person, although maybe not outwardly racist still may be uncomfortable discussing or experiencing what comes with being with a black woman.
Everyone can say they have a “preference”, but for far too often so-called preferences are rooted in racism, colorism, and self-hatred and the usage of the word is simply a smokescreen hiding their true feelings. Avoid black men that do not value and cherish the black woman in every shade, shape, and way she comes, they often have deeper issues that festered in their youth or childhood experiences. Stay away from a person whose compliment starts with “pretty for a-”, tells you you have “good hair” or that they like your hair better when you wear it a certain way, and please do not entertain anyone inquiring what you are mixed with, because you can’t be completely black. This statement is exocitizing black women and saying to be pretty you cannot be simply black.
Finally at all costs avoid a partner of any race that is fetishizing your identity as a black woman. The fetishization of black woman dates back to Africa, when its colonizers touched down on the shores and documented their “findings”. Fetishizing comes in many forms, so, to make it easier to track, look at the ‘type’ of women they tends to gravitate towards, listen closely to how they speak about these women compared to women that look differently. Listen to how they compliments you as well. Also, black people who have a colorist lens on their dating pool often fetishize the opposite.
Everyone deserves to find that special someone, but don’t find yourself turning a blind eye to the obvious red flags and getting stuck with someone who does not or cannot love you properly. Keep swiping!
