Regina King has to take things “minute by minute” following the death of her son.
The actor lost Ian Alexander Jr. when he died by suicide in January 2022 at 26. King admitted that just over two years after the tragedy, she feels as if she has is “spiritual” relationship with him even though the “physical absence” is so present.
“If I was told, ‘Do you want to do this again, but it’s going to be exactly the same?’ I would say yeah, just because of how much Ian gives me,” she told Harper’s Bazaar. “But right now, it is me trying to better understand this new relationship with Ian that the universe has chosen. We always talk about spirit: They’re always with us in spirit. But his physical absence is so loud that it’s hard to sometimes tap into that spiritual connection.'”
“One of the things I’ve learned on this journey is that gratitude and sadness are not mutually exclusive; they’re always working at the same time,” she added. “I just have to navigate this. Sometimes it’s minute by minute. I’m aware when I talk to other mothers — and I hate that we share this because I feel like I don’t want anyone to share this — but because we do share it, they have just taught me so much.”
The Oscar-winning star — who split from Alexander’s father Ian Sr. in 2007 after 10 years of marriage — explained that even though it could be “really easy” to hide away, she has instead finds comfort in confiding in other mothers.
“Having those women in my life, reminding me of the importance of not isolating — because it’s really easy to isolate, especially when the majority of people in the world have no idea whatsoever of this level of grief. But talking to women who are like, ‘It’s not going to go away,’” King said.
“At least I know that. … One thing that I feel like every mother that I talk to feels like is that no one could have prepared me for this,” she stated. “No one told me this part. There’s something about them — 11 years, 12 years later — the grief is still there. So at least I know. I do know that. And I think even without them telling me that, I feel that inside. I think they just confirmed that for me. I read somewhere that grief is love with no place to go, and I was like, ‘Huh … yeah … that does sum it up in some way.”
If you or someone you know needs help, contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-8255 (TALK) or text or call the Suicide & Crisis Hotline at 988.
