Pia Holec is here to help.
The Chicago-based clinical psychologist specializes in sex and couples therapy.
Recently, at the 2024 Black Enterprise Women of Power Summit in Las Vegas, rolling out spoke to Holec about her expertise.
What has this year’s conference been like for you?
The conference has been absolutely amazing. It’s been amazing to be surrounded by so many powerful Black women, dropping gems and being surrounded by women who are here to help one another, empower one another and help each other realize our strengths and dedication to the work we do, and recognize we are continuing to grow.
What are some of the most common traumas Black patients have to work through?
One of the biggest things that Black people face is not understanding their experiences have been traumatic. We have been conditioned to believe that, as Black people, we can withstand all things.
We’ve also been taught to not speak about it…”Go pray about it, sweep it under the rug, don’t talk about it, talk to the pastor”… and so forth. We’ve been conditioned as a society to silence ourselves, or to not ask for help, because that sounds weak, or to not go to therapy because “I’m not crazy” or, “That’s not for us.”
For Black people, I think it’s important, before they take that step to reach out for a session to understand this is going to be hard work. Unpacking trauma is not a linear process. It’s not a “do this, do that and in four sessions, you’re going to be healed.” It is a lifestyle change of being able to keep what has happened, and to turn a narrative from victim to survivor.
The importance of therapy is to give someone those tools, they have to be ready to receive it. They have to be ready to do the work and to understand the work is grueling, and it is hard. Just like any other wound, you have to scrape it out and clean it before it can begin to heal. Understand it’s going to get harder before it gets better, but to learn to trust the process.
What is the connection between mental health and sexual performance?
The connection between mental health and sexual performance is that oftentimes we can be too much in our head. We can be too cognitive, too “heady,” as people might say. That impedes the ability to be present during sexual performance.
When I’m working with men who may be experiencing erectile dysfunction or premature ejaculation, the first thing that I’m going to do is send them to a medical doctor to make sure there is no medical disease or illness that is physically impeding their sexual performance. If we’ve been able to rule that out, then we’ve got to figure out what’s going on in your psyche that’s getting in the way. Are you overthinking and anxious about that performance? Are you anxious and nervous and thinking about pleasuring someone else? Have you got unresolved trauma that is getting in the way of you being able to be present to experience touch, to allow yourself to experience desire?
Mental health absolutely can impact sexual performance because you must be able to overcome anxieties, fears, mood irregularity to be able to be fully present and relaxed in order to get to pleasure.
