Let’s talk about something nobody wants to discuss: breaking up with your therapist. If you’re feeling guilty about even considering it, you’re not alone. Finding the right therapist is like dating, sometimes you need to swipe left a few times before finding the perfect match. Here’s everything you need to know about making this important decision.
Signs it’s time for a change
- The scheduling struggle is too real, we get it, life is busy, but when you’re playing calendar Tetris every week just to make your therapy appointment happen, it might be a sign. Consistent sessions are crucial for progress, and if you’re constantly rescheduling or missing appointments because of timing conflicts, you might need someone whose schedule better aligns with yours. It’s not about convenience, it’s about consistency in your mental health journey.
- The conversation feels one-sided, therapy should feel like a collaborative dance, not a solo performance. If you’re doing all the talking while your therapist just nods along, something’s off. A good therapist knows when to listen and when to guide, challenge, or offer insights. When you’re leading every session without meaningful feedback or direction, it might be time to find someone who brings more to the therapeutic tango.
- You’re stuck in small talk, sure, sometimes therapy involves discussing your day-to-day life, but if you’re spending entire sessions chatting about the weather while avoiding deeper issues, that’s a red flag. Effective therapy should feel like it’s going somewhere, even if the journey isn’t always comfortable. Your therapist should be skilled at helping you navigate beneath the surface to explore what’s really going on.
- The vibe is off, you need to trust your gut on this one. While therapy can sometimes feel uncomfortable because you’re dealing with difficult topics, you should always feel safe and respected in the space. If something about your therapist’s approach, personality, or style just doesn’t sit right with you, that’s important information. Your comfort and safety in therapy are non-negotiable.
- Their methods aren’t clicking, different therapists have different approaches, and what works for one person might not work for another. Maybe your therapist is all about cognitive behavioral therapy when you’re craving a more psychodynamic approach, or perhaps they’re focused on past experiences when you need help with present challenges. It’s okay to seek someone whose therapeutic style better matches your needs.
- You’ve hit a plateau, sometimes therapy can feel like you’re treading water. While progress isn’t always linear, if you’ve been stuck in the same spot for months without any meaningful insights or changes, it might be time to consider a fresh perspective. Growth in therapy should feel challenging but possible.
- You’ve outgrown the relationship, sometimes you’ve learned what you needed to learn from one therapist and you’re ready for a different kind of support. This isn’t failure, it’s progress. Maybe you’ve developed strong coping skills for anxiety and now want to focus on relationship patterns, or perhaps you’re ready to transition from weekly sessions to monthly check-ins.
Making the switch without the stress
The thought of telling your therapist you want to move on might feel scarier than telling your hairstylist you’ve been seeing someone else, but remember, therapists are professionals who understand that fit matters. They’re trained to handle these conversations without taking it personally.
Having the conversation: If you feel safe doing so, bringing up your concerns directly with your current therapist can be valuable. You might say something like “I’ve been reflecting on my therapy goals and I’m wondering if a different approach might better suit my needs right now.” This opens the door for an honest discussion and they might even have recommendations for colleagues who could be a better fit.
The practical steps: Before making the switch, consider what you want in your next therapeutic relationship. Think about what’s working in your current therapy and what isn’t. This reflection will help you make a more informed choice when seeking someone new. It’s also perfectly okay to interview potential new therapists before committing, many offer initial consultations specifically for this purpose.
Setting yourself up for success: If you decide to continue therapy with someone new, try to secure your next therapist before ending your current relationship. This helps maintain continuity in your mental health care and prevents gaps in support. However, if you need a break between therapists to process the transition or reassess your goals, that’s completely valid too.
The bottom line
Changing therapists isn’t a sign of failure, it’s a sign of self-awareness and commitment to your mental health journey. Just like any relationship, therapeutic relationships can run their course or simply not be the right fit. What matters most is that you’re advocating for your needs and taking steps to ensure you’re getting the most effective support possible.
Remember, the goal of therapy is your growth and wellbeing. If your current therapeutic relationship isn’t serving that goal, making a change isn’t just okay, it’s a smart and courageous choice.
