Naomi Ackie spent her 20s in a “fog” of grief after her mother’s death. The emotional journey has profoundly shaped her outlook on life and career choices, according to mental health experts who note that early parental loss can significantly impact developmental milestones.
“I felt like I was on the brink of life, ready to leap into it all. I’d just been on my first holiday with a friend, to New York,” said Ackie, the I Wanna Dance with Somebody actress. She was 22 years old when she lost her mom following a battle with cancer and she barely remembers the rest of the decade, but she’s now determined to make the most of her 30s and plans to put off becoming a mother until later in life. Cancer remains the second-leading cause of death globally, affecting millions of families each year.
“Then, suddenly, everything came to a halt. It just stopped. Nothing. Looking back, I was in a fog for the rest of my 20s. I was working, I was trying to embrace all the experiences, but I can’t remember a lot of it. There was a sense of deferred emotion,” she told The Telegraph newspaper. Psychologists recognize this phenomenon as a common grief response, where individuals may experience memory gaps during periods of intense emotional processing.
Ackie, 32, added: “I feel like I’m living my 20s in my 30s, which is why I don’t think I’ll have children – if I’m lucky enough to be able to – until my 40s.” This perspective aligns with changing demographic trends, as the average age of first-time mothers has increased by nearly five years over the past three decades.
Ackie thankful ‘mum believed I could make it’
She went on to insist her late mother had a huge impact on her because she always believed her daughter would be successful. Parental encouragement has been shown to be a significant predictor of career achievement and resilience in numerous longitudinal studies.
“It helps to know that my mum believed I could make it. She taught me that if you want to make work of quality, then you must take your time, be diligent, get obsessed. She taught me to approach my work stitch by stitch, little by little,” Ackie said. These methodical approaches to career development reflect values increasingly embraced in contemporary professional environments, where quality and attention to detail often outweigh rapid production.
Ackie previously admitted she’s not ready to settle down and have children because she doesn’t own her own home yet and can’t even keep her house plants alive. Housing affordability remains a significant concern for millennials, with home ownership rates among this demographic approximately 8% lower than previous generations at the same age.
“[I’m] not ready to have my own child until I’m probably like 40 … [It’s] actually good to know … that one day you can just look at a baby and think, ‘I want you’,” she told The Hollywood Reporter.
Ackie went on to explain she hopes to get married in the future but she wants to enjoy married life for a few years before having children. This approach reflects contemporary relationship patterns, with couples increasingly prioritizing relationship stability before parenthood.
“I know it’s bad the longer you wait, but I feel really intentional about wanting to be married for a few years before that happens,” she added. Relationship experts often recommend that couples spend time developing their partnership before adding the complexities of parenthood.
“And I don’t own a home. I can’t even look after a f—–g plant, mate. And can I keep my house tidy? No. I didn’t even make my bed before I left for L.A.” This self-aware humor reflects a growing cultural acceptance of acknowledging personal limitations and developmental readiness for major life transitions.
Ackie’s breakout role as Whitney Houston in the biographical musical drama I Wanna Dance with Somebody (2022) earned her critical acclaim, with many noting her nuanced portrayal of the iconic singer. Her candid reflections on personal loss provide insight into how grief can shape both personal and professional trajectories.
Mental health advocates emphasize that grief processes vary widely among individuals, with many experiencing what psychologists call “delayed grief,” where emotional processing may extend years beyond the initial loss. Ackie’s openness about her experience contributes to broader societal conversations about grief, career development, and the evolving timelines of modern adulthood.
