Q: As his Valentine’s Day gift, my fiancé has asked that we invite another woman into the bedroom and continue the practice in our marriage. I’m considering it, but I need your advice. I’ve never been with another woman and I’m not sure if I can stand seeing my man with someone else. He says it’s the new going thing and that I need to get with the program. Is he right?
A: Inviting someone else into your bedroom isn’t about getting “with the program,” or trying the “new going thing.” It’s something that the two of you need to have open, honest communication about, and then think long and hard about whether you are prepared to deal with the consequences of your choice. The most important question for you to consider is why you want to enter into this lifestyle and what you hope to get out of it — both as individuals, and as a couple. Doing it solely to please your mate is the wrong reason and will likely cause the two of you more heartache than any amount of pleasure that may come with the “gift.”
You say that you have never been with another woman. Do you have the desire to? If not, how do you imagine that the three of you will interact once you all climb into bed together?
You also say that you’re not sure how you’ll feel about seeing your fiancé having sex with another woman. My suggestion is that the two of you consider the worst-case scenario and work from there. If, for example, you believe that the worst that might happen is that you’ll simply decide that it’s not for you and the two of you will mutually agree not to do it anymore, then perhaps it might be worth taking the risk. If, however, you believe that it might change the way that you see yourself, your partner, or your relationship, you may want to reconsider inviting this lifestyle into your relationship.
Lastly, if you do decide to share your bed with another person, I would strongly encourage you not to choose a day that holds any meaningful significance for either of you — avoid major holidays, birthdays and anniversaries. This is because, if things don’t go as planned, you don’t want to condemn yourself to having a constant reminder of an unpleasant experience every time a special day rolls around.
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