The shocking revelations of Tiger Woods’ bedroom acrobatics gave us pause and caused everyone to inventory their feelings about who the world’s greatest golfer really is. While infidelity is nothing new, many people were left wondering why Tiger, a man of endless means, would lower himself to subterranean depths and patrol houses of ill repute to satiate his carnal urges. Why did Tiger patronize prostitutes? Let us count the ways:
1. No Kiss and Tell: Prostitutes do one thing well … actually make that two: they willingly perform the requested sexual act AND they keep their mouths shut. They don’t pathetically peddle their stories to the nearest outlet for face time lest they imperil their livelihood.
2. No Relationships: Ms. Sally Streetwalker lives by the Snoop Dogg creed: “We don’t love them hoes.” The average prostitute knows better than to think there’s any chance of a long-term relationship — unless there’s a long-term exchange of funds.
3. Experience: The veteran prostitute or call girl possesses an impressive repertoire of acts and positions and tastes in order to develop a long and steady client list. They can bust out all kinds of tools, equipment and costumes at the customers’ request, something the everyday woman isn’t interested in doing.
4. Variety: Tiger is very much into mattress gymnastics. It was widely reported that he likes girl-on-girl and hair pulling, something that many wives and conservative women will not entertain — much less perform. Besides, it’s possible that even with a blonde bombshell like his supermodel wife Elin Nordegren, Tiger just got a little bored with routine sex.
5. No nagging: Conversation between prostitutes and johns is kept to an absolute minimum — unless the john either initiates it or pays for companionship. He doesn’t have to answer to her, doesn’t have to worry about her asking him, “Where are you?” or “Why didn’t you take out the garbage?” and “Why didn’t you come home tonight?”
6. No courtship required: As Facebook ro reader Tony Mitchell says so succinctly, “You’re paying the woman to perform then leave, not stay.” There’s no taking them out to eat, buying flowers, cuddling, handholding or after-sex talk required.
7. Quick and to the point: Mitchell calls prostitution “a honeymoon without the reception and the preacher.” Like in the movie Pretty Woman, prostitutes are expected to perform at the customer’s beck and call and not conjure up tired excuses like headaches to avoid sex. –terry shropshire
