Demetria Lucas, who penned a new book, A BELLE IN BROOKLYN: The Go-To Girl for Advice on Living Your Best Single Life, has some fresh tips to boost your confidence. The dating guide is peppered with personal anecdotes, interviews with eligible bachelors and hope for the single and satisfied. –yvette caslin
Is the dating scene as bad as many seem to think?
[Not] All women think the dating scene is bad. There are lots who are dating, have options, and are living great lives they wouldn’t trade for anything in the world.
For those who think it’s bad out there, they’re consistently meeting the wrong guys. There are men out there who are awful, of course. But there are also guys who are great. Hopefully, A Belle in Brooklyn will help them determine how to read guys better, meet a better crop of men, and make them more optimistic about what’s possible and who’s available.
Should women over 30 be ashamed of being single?
I’m not sure where people get these time markers from that say if I don’t marry/have children by XYZ age then I’m a failure and should wear a scarlet “S.” I’m unclear; what exactly is wrong with being single?
The idea that something must be wrong with you if you’re single comes from an underlying belief that a woman needs a man to validate her greatness. Newsflash: women don’t. We’re perfectly qualified to validate ourselves. Our level of self-acceptance and pride shouldn’t vary by which box is checked on a tax form.
Should black women consider dating outside their race?
Sure. A great partner can come in any color. As long as you like him, he has great character; he treats you well and loves you hard, he’s a viable dating option.
I do caution women against dating “out” as a reaction to bad experiences with black men. Date outside your race because you want to have as many options and experiences available to you as possible. Men are men and a change of melanin won’t somehow make a guy a more compatible mate who treats you better.
How do you define “living your best single life?”
Having fun, setting and accomplishing goals, not tying your self-worth to your dating or marital status, being sexually responsible, exploring the world — or at least the best of what your city offers — meeting new people, learning from your mistakes, eating well, laughing hard, building friendships and loving yourself.
