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s the country wraps up Red Ribbon Month, the festivities are scaled back but the problems with drug abuse remain. Often, the first line of defense to preventing a teenager from engaging in substance abuse comes from the home. Here are a few suggestions from the Parents Resource Center at Drugfree.org.
Talking and listening regularly
- Participate in activities including house parties. Sure, your child will be horrified but in emotionally and hormonally-charged social situations, a level-headed adult is what is needed. And, if the parents of the teen giving the party frowns on having chaperones, that’s a warning sign that your child maybe should not attend.
- Have a set dinner day and time at least once a week, perhaps more. The standing rule is ‘no one gets out of the family dinner.’ Use this time to engage your teen about upcoming events and activities, devise plans and determine who is responsible for what. One father casually stated at a recent tailgate party that if he took his daughter out for Mexican food, she would spill the beans on every detail of her big brother’s life. Parenting is one of the few times its okay to manipulate another human being, specifically your underage child.
- Know where your teen is at all times. Whose house? What’s the address? Who’s driving? What mall? Prepare for them to exert their independence. Remember you did at that age. Also remember the cute stunts you devised to wiggle away from your parents grasp and your success rates.
Be directly involved in your child’s everyday world.
- If band is your child’s main activity, volunteer to be a band parent. Chess club? Be the parent who makes the early Saturday morning drive to matches. This is an opportunity to get to know the other children they engage with and the microcosms of their social interactions. The really soft-spoken, well-mannered young man from a family of doctors just might be the jokester hoping to share the fat doobie hidden under his band hat or in his bow case.
- Have an IT server installed in your house. Know what they are looking for on the Internet. One parent did and asked his wife if she was pregnant. Amused, she denied it and asked the basis of his inquiry. He stated that someone had been looking at tons of pregnancy websites. Turns out his 18-year old daughter was close to giving birth and had hidden the pregnancy the entire time.
- Engage your kids in your world. Take them to the local soup kitchen to work along side you during Thanksgiving or Easter meal preparation for the homeless and underfed. Show them bad things happen to good people, and drug and alcohol abuse is a downward spiral that makes everything in life worse.
Make it clear that you do not want him or her drinking or using drugs
- On the episode titled “Theo and the Joint” of “The Cosby Show,” using a gaze that scared most adults, the Coz instructs young Theo, “While you are in my house, you will not use drugs. When you are grown and in your own house, you will not use drugs. When I am dead and in my grave, you will not use drugs.” Feel free to use that passage with sincerity and conviction.
- Take advantage of teachable moments. Have an open and honest conversation about drug abuse within your extended family or the neighborhood. Demonstrate how even the lives of those not abusing drugs, have been adversely affected by the scourge.
- Take advantage of pop culture moments to get feedback on where your kid’s head is regarding drug abuse. The famous rapper who was pulled over while drinking Oxycontin milkshakes, would not have been better served to have had a chauffeured limousine since he and his passenger engaged in drug abuse regardless of who was driving. Then, discuss the fallout of that situation.
Set limits
- Teens sometimes forget that mom and dad (or other adults) are not their peers. When they cross boundaries of disrespect, stop the conversation cold. Explain that you will not tolerate disrespect and set the limits for parent/child debates or discussions. Profanity is a non-starter as is raised voices. This level of self control is best learned in-home through observation and participation.
- Just as with life, there are rewards and punishments. Breach the boundaries of decorum and respect, and there will be admonishments and punishments. Start by taking the car or restricting driving privileges.
