Atlanta native Fonzworth Bentley has long shed his old job as Puffy’s personal assistant; today, the musician, author and husband is “a socially conscious, multimedia lifestyle entertainment brand, whose goal is to uplift, educate, and entertain, through music, fashion, education, film and television,” he tells rolling out. Bentley also has some very deep thoughts on love and relationships; here’s what he had to say during a recent visit to rolling out‘s Chicago office.
Fonzworth Bentley’s 5 Raw Truths About Love & Marriage
1. Your wife is your rib.
Your wife is your rib, and your ribs actually cover vital organs. I didn’t know how exposed I was, until I got my rib. As I am her covering, she’s also my covering and so everything is flowing in its most perfect way now because I’m in the type of environment that I was created to be in. There’s Adam, and then God said he shouldn’t be alone, that’s why he took Eve, and formed her out of his rib.
When we are functioning in that environment, it’s like a fish being in water versus a fish being on the sand flapping around. When we’re in our natural habitat, where we’re supposed to be, we function like geniuses. Things are flowing now, like I just couldn’t believe.
2. Men don’t court anymore — and women don’t demand it.
As time has progressed, when my mother had to get a date, the guy had to come over, and introduce himself to her father. There was a real courting period. The courting period has been completely selected out of today.
And when you look at the trends in the types of love songs — where are the love songs? And so, all of that influences you and you start to get into conquests and the more women I get, that makes me more of a man. If you can think about the end-goal, that is, the way I’m going to function as a genius, is when I’m in a covenant relationship, if that’s the goal, you have to start doing things that will get you ready to be a husband.
I thought I was ready and I wasn’t ready yet and I remember my now-wife saying, ‘do you know what a husband is?’ And I had to sit there and I had an idea, but I didn’t really know what a husband is.
On the flip side, there are a lot of men who are ready, but there are a lot of women who don’t know how to go through the courting process. And so, a woman has to demand the way she is to be treated; you have to demand that respect. What you allow is ultimately going to happen to you.
3. A woman should love unconditionally, and inspire her mate to be a better man.
When you meet a guy who’s open and nice, but, ‘he ain’t got no job,’ all these things, it’s like, can you inspire to be a better him?
I married a gold digger — let me clarify that — my wife saw the treasure in me that I could be, that I didn’t even know that I could be. I’ve known her since we were 16 and 18, when I had nothing. She saw the potential in who I could be and was confident in saying, “I want to inspire him to be that.”
He may not be that right now, but I can do the things to inspire and pray for him and hopefully get him to be that. I’m confident and mature enough, that even if he hasn’t done that, if he’s not who [God] told me that I’m supposed to have with my covering, I’m okay with that, too.
4. Love requires maturity.
Before you get to that stage of a husband, when two become one in a relationship, you need to approach her as if she could potentially be your wife, or, this could potentially be the mother of your children. What kind of history do you want with this particular woman when you’re thinking further down the road?
That takes some real maturity and not just on the outside, it also takes some real spiritual maturity to do that.
5. Men need to embrace their spirituality.
We really have to get past just being black men and become men of God. With that, we have to take the time to really humble ourselves and spend the time to find out exactly who we are because this [body] ain’t nothing but a suit. We must get to the point when we say, I am a spiritual being first. And how am I feeding my spirit every day?
Be very mindful of what you let go through your eye-gate and what you let come into your hearing, and who you let come around you, because it will influence you.