When former Washington Wizards player Jason Collins decided to come out as gay in April, it was a move that was met with high praise as he became the first active pro athlete to come out. And although the anger of most critics was drowned out by all of the applause, fans are now hearing the cry of Collins’ former fiancée, Carolyn Moos, who claims she was hurt by the way Collins came out to her.
In an article for Cosmopolitan, the former WNBA player explained that was shocked when Collins, whom she dated for nearly a decade, told her that he was gay.
“Jason told me he’s gay over the phone on a Monday morning in April, the same day the magazine hit newsstands,” Moos wrote about the Sports Illustrated issue in which Collins came out. “However, he didn’t mention the article – that came as a surprise when I heard about it from a friend.”
And although she praises Collins for coming out, she says she’s hurt that he has yet to speak to her in-depth about the aftermath.
“I can’t imagine what it’s like to go through all the stages he has gone through, all the deep layers. I don’t know what it’s like to wear a mask for 34 years. It’s sad that society puts that kind of pressure on a person. I also understand the macho stereotypes men face in the NBA,” said Moos.
“I empathize with Jason and support him. But at the same time, I remain deeply hurt by him,” she added. “I wish he could have been honest with me years ago. I feel like there are two Jasons now — the man I fell in love with and the man I’m trying so hard to understand. He’s being hailed as a pioneer, but I believe true heroism is a result of being honest with yourself and with those you love.”
In April, Collins offered up his reasons to Oprah Winfrey for breaking things off with Moos.
“It was, deep down, ‘Jason, you can’t go through with this,’ ” Collins explained. ‘You’re going to be ruining her life and your life, and leading to a life of unhappiness.’ I’m still trying to process it, but ultimately, I [made] the right decision.”
“I wish I would have told her the complete truth at that time,” he said. “[But] I wasn’t there yet.”
Clearly, there are feelings of hurt and confusion on both sides and the reality is that they are both victims in this instance. It is a shame that Collins lied to Moos, who is clearly hurt by his actions. But it’s also a shame, and equally important to note, that Collins and so many other LGBT people are victims of homophobia and feel pressured to conceal their true selves, even from the people they love.
Hopefully, as Collins continues to tell the truth, he can help to heal his wounds with Moos and inspire greater understanding, acceptance and honest dialogue between LGBT and straight people.
Check out some other athletes who have come out below. –nicholas robinson
