Fears that keep single people single

They are at home alone, wishing and perhaps praying to meet a decent person, especially with the holidays coming up soon. The problem is that they are unsure what to do about it other than continue to do the same thing, including going to a night club or even church, to meet someone. A friend or co-worker suggests trying a singles group or event like “Speed Love,” but they refuse without giving it too much thought. They would rather take their chances with the crowd at the club or the crew at church.

What’s holding them back are some common fears:

FEAR #1: “I don’t want to seem desperate.”

OPTION: Appear confident but remain lonely.

FEAR #2: “Suppose I don’t meet anyone I like or no one likes me.”

OPTION: Stay in the same familiar rut.

FEAR #3: “Why would anyone need help meeting someone?”

OPTION:  Continue to shift through the masses with hopes of meeting someone serious.

The first fear makes other people more important than you. It indirectly puts others in control of your destiny, allowing what they think and feel to control your decision-making. This fear of disapproval allows you to unwisely believe that others will approve of you just because you are doing what you think they like. You have no control of how people perceive you, so focus on what you can control: what you think of you. Permission to live a certain way should always begin with you because you know what you need and desire. To help overcome this fear, here is an affirmation you can repeat daily: “I don’t care what you think of me as long as I/God approve.”

The second statement involves the avoidance of two things we all hate: failure and rejection. These fears stop us from growing because we resist the unknown or change, the very things that can trigger our evolution.  Yes, we remain safe by not trying something new, but we lose something more valuable: an invaluable opportunity. Through our experiences, we can gain knowledge and hopefully wisdom. We can use what we have learned to make better choices. Thus, our experiences both equip and enrich us. To help overcome this fear, here is an affirmation you can repeat regularly: “Every time I fail to achieve or gain something and I survive it, I have another opportunity to try again with more knowledge and wisdom.”

The fear of being imperfect drives some people to resist help in finding a proper mate or to stay in a bad relationship without getting help. Needing someone else’s help makes these types of people seem flawed or imperfect, which is how the third statement is derived. They and they alone should be able to figure out their relationship issues. This is the opposite extreme of the first fear. While the first suggests that other people have all the solutions, this fear says that only you all the answers. Both, however, are more concerned with appearances than reality. Finding like-minded people is a difficult task for fully equipped businesses much less individuals. That’s one reason fear number three is self-defeating. Many people are neither wise nor savvy enough to sort through the masses in order to identify someone who is both compatible and serious about being in a relationship. Sometimes the unintended result of having too many bad relationships or negative experiences lead us to become bitter or jaded, unable to have a healthy relationship.  To help overcome this fear, here is an affirmation you can repeat regularly: “I don’t have to be perfect or do everything perfectly to be loved. Because I realize my limitations, I can reach out to people and allow people with more experience to guide me on my journey to love.”