Rolling Out

Are you no longer attracted to your mate?

Angry couple
Photo credit: wavebreakmedia /

Are you no longer attracted to your mate? We all want to believe that we will always look sexy, beautiful or handsome forever, as will our mates. However, life does not always work that way. Think about it — it’s not always easy for a woman to lose weight after bearing children, and he may even lose his hair or gain a beer belly. With that being said, there may come a time in your relationship when you may no longer feel attracted to your mate. If you have reached this point, here are some things that may help you cope with your situation.

Compliment each other. Believe it or not, a compliment can go a long way. When your mate looks good to you (i.e., new hairstyle, lip gloss, haircut, new outfit), tell him or her, as this may encourage them to look this way more frequently.

Have more date nights. If you can’t remember the last time or you’ve never had a date night — you really should be ashamed of yourself. Date nights give each of you an opportunity to dress up, go out and rekindle the fire in your relationship. It could be a nice restaurant, a play, museum or even trying something new with other couples.

No one is perfect. Ladies and gentlemen, stop expecting too much from your mate. The two of you just don’t look like you did in high school — when you had the perfect track bodies. As time passes, things will inevitably start to change on your bodies (i.e., wrinkles, hair loss or thinning hair, love handles, you name it) and as more time passes, it may even get worse.

Self-evaluation. Did you stop exercising like you did when you first met and have just become complacent with the extra pounds? Do you feel that since he or she is yours now, you don’t need to do anything to keep him or her? You can start by monitoring your food intake and exercising, which may encourage your mate to do the same, especially when they see you drop some pounds. You may even want to start exercising together —dancing, bicycling, walking, etc. Work together as a team — sometimes it only takes a little bit of encouragement to get you back on the right track.

Appreciate the sacrifices. Your mate is working two jobs to make sure that you have what you need to survive, which has taken a toll on his or /her body. And, she has given birth to two babies, which has affected her weight. These are indeed sacrifices and should be respected as such. Recognize these unselfish efforts and love and respect him or her for it.

Focus on the positive. Even if he or she has packed on a few extra pounds, love their beautiful eyes, nice smile, sexy walk, strong arms, etc. Always focus on their positive attributes.

At the end of the day, he or she may have gained some pounds (here and there), but take the time to acknowledge the ways in which your mate has become a better person. You may each be great parents to your children, or a man or woman of integrity, who is kind, respectful and honest. He may help you with yard work or she may cook to make sure that you have adequate nourishment each day. These selfless acts are assets that should not be overlooked.

Your physical attraction to your mate may have diminished since you first started dating, which is OK. However, now you should each take the time to focus on other areas within your relationship, which are just as attractive. I think that each of you will be happily surprised. Life is short, so enjoy, respect and love one another! Don’t sweat the small stuff!

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