Understanding submarining: The latest dating trend that hurts

Spotting and surviving the vanishing act in modern romance
submarining
Photo credit: Shutterstock.com / Prostock-studio

In the ever-evolving landscape of modern dating, new trends often emerge that can leave individuals feeling confused and hurt. One such trend that has gained traction recently is known as “submarining.” This phenomenon is particularly distressing for those who have experienced it, as it involves a person suddenly disappearing from communication only to resurface later as if nothing happened. This article delves into the intricacies of submarining, how it differs from ghosting, and how to handle such situations effectively.


What is submarining?

Submarining is a dating trend that has taken social media by storm, especially on platforms like TikTok, where the hashtag #submarining has garnered millions of views. The term describes a situation where an individual abruptly stops communicating with their partner or friend, only to reappear months later without any explanation. This behavior can leave the person who was left in the dark feeling anxious, confused, and hurt.


Submarining vs. ghosting: Key differences

While submarining shares similarities with ghosting, there are critical differences that set them apart. Both behaviors involve a lack of communication and can leave the affected party feeling abandoned. However, the main distinction lies in the aftermath:

  • Disappearance: Ghosting is characterized by a permanent cut in communication, leaving the ghosted individual without any closure. In contrast, submarining involves a return to communication after a period of silence.
  • Communication: When a submariner resurfaces, they often do so with casual communication, sometimes during significant moments in the other person’s life, which can feel particularly inconsiderate.
  • Closure: Ghosters typically provide no explanation for their disappearance, while submariners create confusion by failing to address their previous absence.

Why submarining is more hurtful

Submarining can be more damaging than ghosting because it leaves the lines of communication open, creating a lingering, unhealthy dynamic. The person who has been submarined may feel compelled to engage with the submariner, leading to a cycle of emotional turmoil. This behavior can be seen as more inconsiderate than ghosting, as it suggests that the submariner is willing to disrupt the other person’s emotional well-being without taking responsibility for their actions.


How to handle being submarined

If you find yourself in a situation where you have been submarined, it’s essential to take proactive steps to protect your emotional health:

  • Be direct: Don’t hesitate to call out the person who has submarined you. Demand a response and acknowledgment of their behavior. Being direct can help establish boundaries and clarify expectations for future communication.
  • No response: Sometimes, the best response is no response at all. Choosing not to engage can be a powerful way to set boundaries and protect your emotional space. This approach sends a clear message that their behavior is unacceptable and that you deserve better.

As dating trends like submarining continue to emerge, it’s crucial to understand their implications on emotional well-being. By recognizing the signs of submarining and knowing how to respond, individuals can navigate these challenging situations with confidence. Remember, you deserve healthy and respectful relationships, and setting boundaries is key to achieving that.

In a world where communication can often be inconsistent, being aware of these trends can empower you to make informed decisions about your relationships. Don’t let submarining derail your self-worth; instead, embrace the opportunity to foster connections that uplift and support you.

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