As painful as it has been to watch the Atlanta Public Schools cheating scandal unfold, I have been keeping up with it. Politicians and community leaders are slamming blame back and forth like the object of a frenetic tennis or volleyball match, all the while reminding the public that the children are the victims. However, the truth is that there is one very important component missing in the news coverage and op-ed commentaries. While the finger-pointing has worked into a rapid frenzy that has now even extended beyond state lines, these accountable parties and news outlets have failed to point a finger squarely at whom it probably needs to be pointed most: parents.
“They owe my child! They stole my child’s education” is what I keep hearing from many of the parents who have been vocal during the scandal coverage. But, in the final analysis, who really is to blame? In most cases, they are.
We have gotten so caught up in the fact that some administrators and teachers in APS altered student answers rather than looking at the most important question of why. Some speculate that leaders just wanted to look good or wanted their pay increases or job security, but it seems like people are afraid to call a spade a spade in this situation The naked truth is this: If more parents were executing their duties and responsibilities, I doubt if there even would have been a need to alter students’ test answers.
Instead of dragging school personnel through the muck and mire, I would like to suggest examples of a few others who need to be held accountable for the children having so many wrong answers on the state test:
Parent #1: “I don’t have time!” – This parent rarely, if ever, attends parent-teacher conferences, PTA or PTO meetings and special programs at their child’s school. They probably don’t return or make calls to the child’s teacher. If they do, it’s probably to tell somebody off. They don’t take the time to discuss academics, help with homework, projects or test preparation, or make sure the child is equipped with everything he or she needs to be prepared in school. They don’t take the time to check bookbags nor help their child organize basic materials. Sometimes, children of these parents care for themselves and might be unkempt or disorganized.
Parent #2: “I got too much on me!” – This parent has a lot of drama and chaos going on, and everything takes precedence over their child’s education. Their focus is on friends, lovers, parties and material things. Sometimes, there are issues where they feel so bad about how things are going for themselves, they can’t see how bad things are going for their child. This issue is almost narcissistic in nature. It’s all about the parent and not about the child, unless, sometimes, the situation at hand is convenient for the parent. This parent may spend a considerable amount of time in bed depressed or otherwise avoiding responsibility with more welcomed distractions like shopping, dates, electronic gadgets, the Internet and even drugs and alcohol. These children, too, are on their own a lot to fend for themselves.
Parent #3: “OK. If you say so.” – This parent is the enabler. Whatever their child says about school, they believe it — good, bad or indifferent. They ask the child if they have homework or projects, but really don’t want to know. The child knows that it’s a superficial question that won’t come along with follow-up, so the child responds, “I did it already,” or “No, I don’t have any homework today.” Oblivious to what’s going on and totally out of touch, this parent is relieved that there’s nothing they have to get involved in and moves on. That child never has his or her homework or projects, doesn’t understand the material being taught and, typically, fails tests. Conversations with these parents are always interesting. They never are aware of anything and tend to blame the child or the teacher, but never themselves.
Parent #4: “They better not mess with my child!” – This parent, too, is an enabler. These are often the parents of children who misbehave because the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. The child either feels they are above reproach or correction, or they act out because their parent usually acts out if they don’t get their way. These parents handle most situations with anger, threats, profanity and even physical violence. I remember having a parent attack me after an elementary promotion exercise because her veiled threat earlier in the week about her child making honor roll for the last quarter didn’t work. She had rented him a white stretch limousine, he was decked out in a matching suit, and “all he got was a reading certificate?” She went ballistic even though I told her that he wouldn’t be on the honor roll, despite remedies I tried and offered. Another parent went off on me because her child was assigned silent lunch in my absence, and I expected her to serve it. I really feel sorry for children with parents who are hot-headed bullies. These children hear and see so much … too much. They don’t learn how to handle uncomfortable situations, and they develop a false sense of security. Usually, you only hear from these parents when something goes wrong, and they want to fix it through intimidation.
Parent #5: “Ain’t nothing wrong with my child! Y’all just trying to label them!” – These parents have their heads in the sand, trying to avoid the truth about their childred because it will take too much energy to address the problem or because it hurts or is embarrassing. I know a child who was struggling so much in school. It really started to manifest itself in third grade. She was diagnosed with ADD, started taking one small, time-release pill a day, and, now, is consistently on honor roll, plays in the orchestra and is a leader in her school. “I feel like a new person!” she told her parents. On the other hand, I know a parent who has all of these ridiculous assumptions and prejudices about medication and counseling, and her child is suffering and failing in school … unnecessarily. Besides that, he gets no help with work at home, but is in sports nearly every night for hours without fail.
The list goes on, but these are a few of the more common destructive, unaware parents who do little or nothing to contribute to their child being successful in school. Problems begat problems, and the cycle continues.
Parents have to not just tell their children that education is important, they have to show them by their actions. They must be consistent and make education a priority in their homes through conversation with their children about various topics in life, exposing them to multiple and varied learning opportunities outside of school, supporting and helping them regularly and persistently and showing their children that they also have an open mind toward learning and like to learn.
The parent section of the National PTA website says this:
“Parent involvement is crucial to the health and well-being of a child. As a parent, you are the most important influence in your child’s success in school and in life. In this role, you have a fresh opportunity every day to get involved with your child. Parent involvement in children’s education allows kids to perform better in school, and navigate more easily some of the challenges of growing up.”
It’s time for parents who are putting everything and everybody above their children and their educations to stop paying lip service and start paying attention to their children … so they can pass the test by themselves. –arnell pharr
Arnell Pharr is the mother of two and was an educator for 12 years before she got fed up with the politics and the culture of let’s-blame-the-teacher-for-everything.
