18 questions to ask of yourself and your mate in a new relationship
For the past few months, have you been dating a man or woman that you really like? Have you had thoughts of a long-term relationship or even marriage? If so, you may be wondering when to have “the talk” with your mate. Before having this talk, you need to first determine your reasons for wanting to be in a committed relationship. Some reasons may be, “I’m getting old. I’m sick of dating. I’m tired of being single.” Wanting to be in a relationship for the wrong reasons, guarantees a short-term relationship or an unhappy one. If he or she is the one that you really want, your reasons should be, “I love being around him or her. He or she makes me smile by just thinking of them.” The following 18 questions will determine whether you and your mate are compatible for the long run. Only answer these questions after you’ve gotten to know your mate well enough to get a sense of who they really are. If you don’t know your mate very well, don’t attempt to answer these questions until you do.
- Am I a priority in his or her life?
- Does he or she respect me?
- Does he or she support my long term goals?
- Are you secure when you’re with your mate and when you’re apart?
- How does he or she treat their family?
- Does he or she make me smile when we’re together?
- Do my family and friends like him or her?
- Do you like your mate’s family?
- Does your mate accept you for who you are?
About Your Mate:
- Does he or she have any red flags?
- Does he or she add joy to your life?
- Do we communicate openly and respectfully? And, do his or her actions match their words?
- Is he or she looking for a long-term commitment?
- Do we enjoy each other’s company?
- Has your mate introduced you to his or her family?
- Does he or she include me in all aspects of his or her life?
- Does he or she bring out the best in me?
- Can he or she live with my flaws?
If you’ve answered “yes” to all of these questions, your mate is a keeper and your long-term commitment or marriage is on the horizon. If you’ve answered “no” to some of the questions, don’t panic. Some of the no answers aren’t necessarily an indicator that you’re not on track to a lasting, long-term relationship. However, this is in indicator that you have some inner work that needs to be done, to prevent you from having the same relationship patterns. For example, if you have trust issues, this is clearly something you want to work on changing. Having a happy, long standing relationship requires trust.
If your answers are a combination of “yes” and “no,” review your “no” answers and determine which ones are deal breakers and which ones you can live with. So, if your mate is not ready to settle down or is not looking for a long term commitment, this is definitely a deal breaker. Instead of wasting your time by sticking around (hoping) that they will change their mind in a dead-end relationship, just leave and make yourself available for someone that wants that commitment with you. As hard as it may be, it’s in your best interest.
The bottom line is, if you’re in a relationship with someone you really like, let these questions be an integral part of your decision making process in determining if your mate is worthy of a long-term commitment with you.
–myra c. harris is the author of How to Get a Man: From the Kitchen, to the Bedroom, to the Ring, which can be purchased at www.letaypublishing.com.