Her identity was in question. The first thought of whose she was crossed her mind and later flooded her thoughts. Many cheered her but she couldn’t receive the accolades or trust her feelings because she was unsure of her source, her foundation. She was perceived as a babydoll to many but she always wondered who was the doll maker. This uncertainty saddened her. “Who can fix me?” she queried.
She hoped the ideas sketched in her mind and promises she heard would come true, but she was often left abandoned … broken.
All those fond memories, great times and places she’d seen, good relationships she formed were simply moments in time, not long lasting. She searched for the answers trying to find them in her friends. She’d ask them to share their thoughts not realizing this would lead to more catastrophe than resolution. Their perceptions of her ranged from tall, skinny and fat to slim, beautiful and ugly … all unique in their own way.
She often wondered who and why would this be this way and again be left broken in some particular way.
Dolls are very important, she thought. They make doll babies and they teach them how to play. They take them to school. They grow them up and they go away. And here is the doll baby left broken her own way.
So now she was left to her own devices, you see. How to feel like a good doll? How could this possibly be?
The hair was longer. The skin was flawless but everything around needed to be in repair.
You know dolls are made with such fragile identity? They have their names and itineraries. They visit birthday parties, go to places like schools and colleges and are taught how to act and told what they should do.
But what is a doll really to do when it’s the inside job that it seems she can’t get through?
Ideas inside her head of who she is and she looks inside. The periods of her life that she wants to hide. The things that happened that led shame and guilt too. What is a good doll to do?
Here we are. She thought as she looked in the mirror this day feeling that she was broken and what she needed to say she heard of the repairs and she tried them to she tried makeup. She went to what they thought was a doll doctor and he swore he could make her new. But the doll each time she felt broken still.
Maybe the dolls doctor would come up with a new pill. One that allows her to feel better inside. One that allows her and maybe even just to hide the feelings that she had that she was not enough to this day. After listening to what the doll doctor had to say, she began to understand that life might not be happening in her favor tomorrow or the next day.
The doll doctor told her that it was all in her head. She was the best doll that you haven’t seen until this day. There were things that happened that he was unsure of for sure. But he knew that she was a doll who all would adore.
He said, “There’s something you must know with the doll there’s always a place for doll to go.” She left, slamming the door. For days she said she’d never go back to doctor. No. No. No.
She wanted to go someplace where for sure she could find a way to happiness that would help her to endure. And, enjoy the moments that she couldn’t really hide the feelings of inadequacy that were deep down inside.
If there was something special she said doll should be adored. We should be appreciated for all the things we do, comfort we give to others and what we have to say. We speak in silence when we are held closely you see we are the ones who comfort others.
All she said wanted was to be the best doll she’s ever been. To all those who look to her as their best friend. She needed someone who would adore her in a special way. Someone would be able to share the words, “I love you” and make them stay. Someone who would know what life should be together each day. Someone with it take care of that all in a special way.
Oh, she was made for tears as they streamed down her face, so many laps, you could bet on them like a race. She had a track inside that she could even see the tears as they fell through her face and her mind how made I’m looking what she felt like she could be. A pool of water that all walk-through will pool a place to walk through. No one seemed to understand and didn’t know what to do. How to repair those depleting thoughts of the day. And then she said maybe I should begin to pray.
She heard a voice inside her head she thought she was crazy and then instead.
She looked and said who’s that speaking to me?
I am the doll maker and that’s who I choose to be. The answers were inside her head. How could there be somebody really hear it would be speaking to me? She said.
The voice said, “I’m the doll maker and I created you. You looked all over the world asking people what they have to say. It is with me whom you got your start. I can repair your soul and even your heart. For now that you spoken to me and you know that I’m here if asked me into your life I will hear my dear.”
She could feel the new transformation to come her way. She said thank you dolI maker. I will love you each and every day. She woke up with a new smile on her face. No more tear. She knew where she could go when she was questioned or confused.
She can put her faith and her trust in the doll maker. He removed her doubts and wiped all her tears away.
And there is a doll maker we are waiting for all of us to set us free. The doll maker is that voice that place we can trust the one who is there forever for you and me
