Why are you making excuses and staying in a relationship with the wrong mate?

Couple arguing
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Why are you making excuses and staying in a relationship with the wrong mate? I’m sure at some point in your dating life, your family or friends have passed judgment on who you should date, so who am I to tell you about your man or woman?

At the end of the day, the most important thing to remember is how he/she treats and respects you (which all of you have heard a time or two). However, I think some misinterpret what this really means; keeping in mind, that it has nothing to do with his/her appearance, the car they drive, their career, ethnicity or anything superficial.

Take a moment and just be honest with yourself. If you find that you are making any of the following excuses, you just may be staying in a relationship with the wrong mate.

I can’t find anyone better. Do you really believe that? Are you just afraid to be back in the dating scene again or is it that you just don’t want to be alone? You’re so into him/her that you are overlooking all the red flags? Change isn’t easy for anyone, but a little bit of effort is worth finding a healthy mate, who will love and respect you.

It’s not his/her fault. Then, whose fault is it? I completely understand that he/she may have be stressed at work, dealing with financial problems or may have even had a rough upbringing, however, this never gives him/her the right to be disrespectful to you for something that has nothing to do with you. As an adult, we are all responsible for the choices that we make, which impact those special people that we care about. Stop allowing this behavior, as it just encourages him/her to continue. If you are going to take it, at least acknowledge that it is his/her fault.

We can’t control who we love. When you love a person, it requires mutual understanding and respect. If he/she is not providing that to you, then I hate to say it, but he/she doesn’t actually love you. They think they do and they really want to, but until they overcome their own demons and care for you (consistently), he/she really doesn’t know how. Just because you go out to dinner, or watch movies and spend time together and you have feelings for each other, does not automatically mean that you are supposed to be together. If that were true, we’d all be with the first person that we ever dated. Don’t get caught up….you can choose who you want to love. As a matter of fact, you can love him/her without dating him/her.

I need him/her or he/she needs me. You definitely want someone in your corner that will support your ideas, encourage you to be a better person and be there when you’re going through your rough times. However, staying in a relationship out of need is never the right reason. Furthermore, if you ever get to the point where you can’t live without him/her, know that the feeling is very unhealthy and you may need to seek counseling. Remember, that you should always love yourself, before you can love someone else – otherwise, you will become very needy and will end up in co-dependent relationships.

We’re different. No one understands us. Of course, God made us all different, but we are more alike than we think. People share the same basic 6 or 7 human emotions. Unfortunately, we’ve justified staying with a mate because we believed our situation was so different or complicated. Listen with an open mind to the people who care about you and don’t be so quick to dismiss them. They really want the best for you and are not trying to ruin your relationship; they’re just trying to provide some insight. You never know who may have experienced the same kind of relationship or feelings.

He/she will never do it again and is going to change. If I could get .50 cents for every time I’ve heard this, I’d be semi-retired. You get tired of beating that dead horse after 20-30 times. If he/she is constantly treating you in an unfavorable manner, something needs to change ASAP. Maybe he/she needs some medical/psychological attention. Have you suggested it? If he/she is willing to seek attention, than it may be a good sign that they are trying to better themselves, but if he/she refuses or makes no attempts at improving, than he/she is not ready to change. Don’t believe anything else, because actions always speak louder than words.

Ladies and Gentlemen, if you find yourself using these excuses (on a regular basis), consider dating someone you don’t have to make excuses for. I’m Just Saying!

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