Sex is meant to be enjoyable, but it is also meant to be safe and mutually agreed upon. Sexual consent, by definition, is an agreement made between participants to engage in sexual acts. There should be no blurred lines and it should be reiterated during the act as well. To clear up any confusion, these five responses are not forms of consent.
Someone unable to give consent
Consent cannot be given by someone under the legal age, someone intoxicated, or heavily under the influence of drugs or alcohol. It doesn’t matter if they’ve said “yes” or not. Someone stumbling, slurring their words, is not in a state of mind to give clear consent and this should be respected.
Disengaged
A partner that is silent, disengaged, or nonresponsive is not consenting. Sometimes a lack of response is a response, and this one is telling you that something is wrong and you should stop.
Convinced yes
If you have to use guilt, coercion or ask continuously, you do not have consent. You shouldn’t have to convince someone to have sex with you. Consent given out of fear or guilt is not truly consent. It’s very likely you’ve made the other participant uncomfortable and made them feel like they have to agree to what you are asking of them.
Married or in a relationship
Just because the other participant is in a relationship with you does not mean you do not need to get consent. Consent is not something to be implied. Your husband or wife still has the right to tell you no and it should still be respected.
Judging based on appearance
The way someone looks, dresses, or their profession does not mean that they want to have sex with you. Maybe she wore that skin-tight mini skirt because she knew her legs would look great in it, not to send the message of “yes, I want you, random man at the bar to take me home and have your way with me.” Implying that your intended consented based off on these circumstances is not only wrong but speaks more to male misogyny and entitlement than a woman’s judgment.
Consent checkpoints
Just because someone is okay with engaging in certain acts with you, does not mean they are okay with others. It is also important to note that consent can be withdrawn at any point. Just because someone comes over to your house doesn’t mean they want to have sex. Just because someone is kissing you doesn’t mean take their pants off. Always make sure your partner is comfortable and is freely willing without compromise.
