As Mother’s Day approaches, many of us are making plans, purchasing gifts, and setting aside precious time to spend with the person in our lives who is responsible for us being alive. And while this time may be enjoyable and celebratory for some, there are individuals out there who won’t get a chance to spend time with their mother on May 8.
L.K. Alexander-Bedford is the author of Straight from the Heart and Spirit of a Mother, a self-empowerment book that teaches important spiritual, and practical lessons while providing inspiration, encouragement and comfort to those persons who’ve dealt with losing their mother at a young age. At age 11, Bedford lost her mother, and now she’s ready to share her story with others with the hope that they too can be healed.
Although you were very young when you lost your mother, what were some of the emotions that you experienced during that time and how did you deal with them?
Well, as mentioned, I was 11 years old when my mother died. How did I process it? It was very, very difficult, and the reason why I say it was difficult is because when she died, I did not attend her funeral. I remember saying to my grandmother, “Please, please don’t make me go to the funeral.” And then my grandmother said to me that I had to say goodbye to my mother so she took me to the church, I saw my mother lying in the casket, my mother looked like she was asleep, and all I could think about was how beautiful she was. I didn’t cry or anything because at that age, I just couldn’t believe that she had passed. I ended up crying later because I started to miss her, however, it was very painful for me. I mourned her death all the way up until my early ’30s. My saving grace in relation to what I was going through, and getting past it, has been my faith in God. Regardless of what happened, I never questioned why God took my mother.
Straight from the Heart and Spirit of a Mother was dedicated to the motherless and also was written from a personal perspective, but what other driving forces were behind you writing this book?
Honestly, I wrote it with my daughters in mind. The book is about love, loving oneself, friendship, marriage and motherhood. These are particular topics that not only mothers, but daughters can relate to as well. It’s also about my thoughts, feelings and experiences, and how important they are to all young women. This isn’t a chapter book either. Each passage that’s located in the book is followed up by a Scripture from the Bible.
Did writing this book serve as a form of therapy for you?
It was very therapeutic for me. Losing a mother is a different process for everyone. It really effects people in different ways, especially when we talk about Mother’s day coming up, and being a mother, or wishing to be a mother. It’s delicate. But in my studies, and countless discussions with women, I’ve learned that it’s not as difficult to deal with if you had a positive relationship with your mother, specifically the mother-daughter bond. They get comfort by the wonderful moments and memories. It tends to be more difficult for daughters who didn’t have positive relationships with their mothers. Writing this book has freed me.
For motherless daughters preparing for another Mother’s Day, she offers the following advice based on how she has not only survived but thrived:
· “Expect and accept. Expect for occasions like Mother’s Day, birthdays, weddings and births to be hard. You want your mom to be there. Accept it’s okay to cry and miss her. It’s normal. Find ways to honor her in those moments.”
· “Talk to her like she is right there. If you have a favorite photo of your mom, talk to it. Always believe she is watching over you. Tell her how you feel, you miss her and all the wonderful things that you wish she could be a part of.”
· “Start your own tradition. Don’t let the commercials and marketing get to you. Find a way to honor your mom on Mother’s Day. What did she like to do? Do it in her honor. Have fun for her. She would want you to.”
· “Talk about her. Talking is therapeutic. Share all of the unforgettable moments you had with her with your siblings, spouse, children, friends or other loved ones. They will be happy to celebrate her with you.”
· “Pray and ask for comfort. Always seek God’s comfort. He can bring you a peace that no one else can. Mother’s Day is just one day. God is with you every day.”
Straight from the Heart and Spirit of a Mother is an easy-to-read book of passages offering practical wisdom and insightful advice on timely topics such as faith, love relationships, friendships, societal pressures, marriage and motherhood — all supported by Scripture. It is available for $13.99 in paperback at https://www.tatepublishing.com/bookstore, amazon.com, barnesandnoble.com and may be ordered at retail bookstores across the country.
–andre j. ellington
#BecomeInspired
