Men are our protectors. They take care of us and keep us safe. But who is ensuring the safety of men physically abused by the women they love and protect? Victims of both physical and emotional torture, their complaints of abuse have been met with disbelief, laughter and public ridicule. The women who commit these acts of abuse often claim it was because she caught him talking to, texting or having sex with another woman. Is this vigilante justice or the symptoms of something much worse?
According to the National Domestic Violence Hotline (NDVH), 1 in 7 men 18 years and older in the United States reports being severely physically abused by an intimate partner. The NDVH defines this abuse as behavior that physically harms, arouses fear, prevents a partner from doing what they wish, or forces them to behave in ways they do not want.
Physical abuse is often inflicted on the victim through hitting, slapping, pushing, biting, choking, or being hit with objects. A victim can be sexually abused by being forced to engage in sex acts against their will. Often male victims are additionally threatened with financial ruin, verbally abused or belittled, or even threatened with their children being taken away if the abuse is reported.
As a society, we have been conditioned to be outraged by the thought of a woman being abused by a man, but men are not afforded the same empathy or outrage. In March in Chicago, Darrius Ellis was overpowered by his girlfriend during a fight in a minivan, forced to drink bleach, and later died of caustic poisoning. This story went virtually unnoticed. Recently, while visiting Cleveland’s Edgewater Beach, Marsharee Crawford knocked out her boyfriend’s front teeth with a rock when she discovered he had been texting another female. When park rangers responded to his plea for help, they asked Crawford for her side of the story. Crawford nonchalantly admitted she had thrown the rock and bragged to them about her aim being accurate because her brother played baseball.
The very callous and insensitive response from Crawford seems to echo the sentiment of many women who believe it’s okay to respond to cheating and infidelity with physical violence. This vigilante form of punishment for a philandering partner is not only morally wrong but also against the law, as evidenced by Crawford’s subsequent felonious assault charge.
Men are less likely to report these incidents of domestic violence due to their belief that telling someone they are being abused by their woman will make them look weak to friends, family and society. This covering up has caused many of our men to not only suffer alone in silence and shame but also has negatively impacted potential new relationships as well.
If you or someone you know has been the victim of domestic violence, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline for help and ways to get out of the situation.
