I grew up in a home where my siblings and I were raised to fear no one but God. It didn’t matter the circumstance—whether crazed man, wild animal or an Azealia Banks twitter rant, there was nothing on Earth that was supposed to invoke any real fear in me. To this day, I still carry that life lesson with me, never allowing anyone to penetrate my trusty anti-fear force field. (for those wondering, I believe I purchased mine from Costco.)
Since those early life lessons imparted on me by my parents, I’ve learned that while fear is still unacceptable, there have been instances within the context of a relationship, where a woman has said something that induces a considerable level of “concern” within me.
Now, there are those who have tried to label that concern as “fear,” but those people are now dead to me (you know who you are.)
The metaphorical death of those friends forced a reckoning upon me. It was in that moment that I developed a list of words that I would advise any man to stay away from when dealing with the woman in his life. The following words and phrases, while simple and ostensibly benign, can cause the type of the destruction that not even our federal government can understate. (You’re still in our prayers Puerto Rico.)
So take note. This will serve as your final warning.
Fine.
This is the word most often used by women in the midst of an argument where they believe that they’ve won and it’s time for you to shut up. And while most men gladly except this reprieve, know that things in that moment are anything but fine.
Nothing.
This serves as the calm before the inevitable storm. And trust me, a storm is coming. Put it this way, arguments that begin with “nothing” typically end with “fine.”
Go Ahead.
(Pulls out bullhorn.) You have not, I repeat not, been granted permission. This her way of daring you to make both of your lives more miserable.
Loud Sigh
This is not a word. But what most men fail to understand is that once breath begins to be unnaturally expelled from her mouth, it’s time to start paying attention. That sign could mean so much: from her thinking that you’re an idiot, to her wondering why she’s even dealing with you in the first place.
That’s OK.
A truly treacherous phrase in the lexicon of women that’s typically unleashed after you forgot to do something. “That’s OK” sounds innocent enough, but it’s just her way of allowing you to delay your inevitable execution. Her capitulation in this moment is only delay, not defeat.
Whatever.
Since we’re all family here, I can be completely honest with you, right? What she’s really saying here is “F– YOU!”
Don’t worry about it. I got it.
She just called you sorry … to your face. And there’s nothing you can do about it.
Are there words or phrases that should be added to or removed from this list?
If so, comment below.
