Relation-tips: Why do men find alpha females so unattractive?

Relation-tips: Why do men find alpha females so unattractive?
Photo credit: Shutterstock: Africa Rising

There have been numerous posts lately on social media that suggest black men are not attracted to alpha females. I’ve even seen men list this as something they are looking to avoid on dating sites. What is so unattractive about successful females?

Terry: Alpha females tend to view relationships in a way that conflicts with how most men operate. Women already have a very significant role within a relationship. There is absolutely nothing wrong with a woman being strong, career-oriented, or aggressive. But it has to be balanced with femininity and sexiness, or it will make it very difficult to have a healthy relationship with a quality man. Men view themselves as the leaders of their household and they naturally refer to their spouses for counsel and input.


A woman that identifies as an alpha woman is likely to be someone men would casually date but would have reservations about committing to, because her thinking and behavior is very likely to conflict with the typical male ego and alter the dynamics of a relationship. I don’t think there is a very large percentage of men that would date an alpha female long term. Men and women are supposed to compliment and balance each other, not compete for roles and power within a relationship.

Christal:  Obviously by Terry’s response there is a large percentage of men that aren’t comfortable with a strong woman. But, I also believe attraction is an individual concept, in that everyone is attracted to something different. A woman needs to trust a man in order to see him as a potential leader in their relationship. I believe that many times we as women allow ourselves to be in relationships with men that we do not trust nor respect. When a woman doesn’t trust and/or respect her man, she has a hard time displaying that sense of trust that makes many men feel comfortable and works towards solidifying the relationship.


If you are in a relationship with a man whose leadership you don’t trust, your leadership skills will be forced to come to the forefront and that creates a stand-off, which of course, is not attractive on either side. I don’t believe that men find alpha females unattractive, as much as they find women who do not trust or respect them unattractive. As a woman, I know that it’s important for me to be in a relationship with a man that I find not only physically attractive, but whose leadership, etc., I also trust and respect.

If you’d like to see your question featured in “Relation-tips,”  email [email protected].

You can follow relationship expert Terry Deron at @terryderon and rolling out relationships editor Christal Jordan at @enchantedpr.

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Dr. Christal Jordan-Jennings
Dr. Christal D. Jordan Jennings is a journalist and professional entertainment publicist with several years of experience in celebrity marketing and branding. Jordan worked in the corporate PR sector before relocating to Atlanta, GA and founding Enchanted Branding and Public Relations in 2008. The company specializes in public relations strategy, media training/consultation, and crisis communication in service of notable celebrity talent such as TLC’s Chilli, Roy Jones Jr.,Kenan Thompson, and more. Further, Jordan serves as a journalist. She serves as editor-in-chief for Lenox & Parker, Sr. Editor with with Rolling Out and Sr. Features writer with Collider, where she specializes in stories that emphasize the importance of empowering women. Jordan earned her Bachelor of Arts degree in Organizational Communications and her Master of Arts in Mass Communications from the University of Oklahoma. Most recently, Jordan started a YouTube channel pulling from her own experiences with celebrity endorsement and strategic relationships. The channel, entitled From Christal with Love XO, boasts over 27k subscribers and works to celebrate love and relationships from a progressive lens. She is also the host of Fox 5 Atlanta’s bi-weekly segment on celebrity relationships. After twenty years of notable stellar contributions in journalism, public relations and literature, Christal received an honorary doctoral degree in Literary Studies from TIUA in June 2024.
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