In the sun-drenched landscape of Hollywood, where authenticity often takes a back seat to artifice, Tyler Lepley stands as a refreshing anomaly. The Philadelphia-born actor, known for his breakthrough role as Benjamin “Benny” Young in Tyler Perry’s “The Haves and Have Nots” on OWN and as a series regular on Starz’s “P-Valley,” has carved out a space where vulnerability meets strength. From his early days as a football player at Kutztown University to his unexpected discovery at a Los Angeles boxing gym, Lepley’s journey to stardom reads like a modern fairy tale – but one grounded in sweat, determination, and an unwavering commitment to personal growth.
Now, at 37, the actor who once pursued a degree in criminal justice finds himself at the intersection of career success and personal fulfillment. In an intimate conversation, Lepley opens up about his evolution from scene studies to soul-searching, his approach to fatherhood, and finding unexpected love. With the same intensity he once brought to the football field, he now brings to his craft – though these days, his focus extends far beyond memorizing lines to exploring the deeper waters of human connection.
Tell us about your passion and the process behind your work. For people wanting to understand what comes behind the scenes, what advice would you give them?
My only advice to anybody who’s trying to get into this lane would be to focus on the craft. Even in my own experience, I used to think that acting was just about scene study. I used to think you show up to a class and memorize your notes or lines and you sit down and give lines back and forth, off of memorization. It’s just so much deeper than that. You gotta get control of your voice. I ended up getting a voice coach. Then I got into the Alexander technique to learn about how the body works. My posture says a lot. Your body language says a lot if you’re aware of it. Then I started getting into therapy so you can access your emotions on demand. Then I started getting into the reading, really getting deep into that to understand where does this craft come from.
Man, it just gets so deep. But you gotta start from focusing on the skill set and focusing on the craft. I think in 2025, too many people are focused on — I think it’s really the introduction of social media in the last decade as well. It’s not just our fault. But so many people are focused on how to get big, how to get famous, “how do we get an agent?” And people aren’t even worried about “how do we get good?” So I feel like focusing on your skill set is really the only thing you need to be focused on. I really feel like that crosses all genres. For anybody that’s doing anything, you should be good at your job before you worry about anything else.
You mentioned going to therapy. With the stigmas in the Black community around therapy, what have you learned about yourself, and how has that impacted your relationships, life, and work on camera?
I think for me, probably the biggest thing that I learned is that because of past experiences and relationships getting cut prematurely, when you put things up on the pedestal and then you have a letdown, the letdown is extreme. It feels crazy. It feels very negative. Because of that, I was holding on to that and I would go into each new relationship wearing that letdown on my sleeve. What it was disallowing me to do was to be fully present in whatever relationship it is. It doesn’t matter if it’s your significant other, your mama, your son or daughter, or even just a colleague. I was going into all these relationships carrying that with me. What it was making me do is have one foot in, one foot out, as opposed to having both feet all the way in. When you have one foot in, one foot out, the first sign of anything, I’m gone.
You’re not being fully present with, you’re not really showing up as your true self, your true authentic self. For me and my experience, my unique experience, that’s what I was dealing with and that’s what I’ve been working on. I feel like everybody can learn from that a little bit, in the sense of if you really are carrying baggage from the past or carrying baggage from anything that has nothing to do with your current situation or your current relationship, being one foot in, one foot out, even though it’s something that I was doing, if I look at the flip side of it, I wouldn’t even accept that if someone was bringing that to me. If I just met someone and we first showed up and I had both feet in, I noticed they had one foot out, that wouldn’t even be something that I would accept. So, who am I to go ahead and do that to other people? It was almost like I wasn’t being my real self. I was going into everything with a mask on, a one foot out, if you will. If anybody can learn anything from my experience, it’s to do the work on yourself so that you can show up as the real you, as opposed to a half-assed you.
As a father and actor balancing multiple roles, how has being present rewarded you recently, particularly with your family?
With three kids, I learned a lot. I came into fatherhood just thinking that I had so much to teach, which I do. And I have a lot to give. But I got a lot to learn too. Even if we just whip up a quick example of what I was talking about within the context. If I show up one foot in, one foot out, and my kid says something that I don’t agree with or on the surface may seem disrespectful, say I tell him to do something, he’s asking me why. If I got one foot in, one foot out, I might just check out the conversation and just go right to punishment. I might go right to reprimanding. If I really keep both feet in, sit all the way present, and I’m speaking from experience.
My oldest [son], Leo, is just very inquisitive and he’s very interested in how everyone’s thinking. When he’s asking me why, it’s not to talk back. It’s not to disrespect me. Even though he understands when daddy says something, it just is what it is.
But here and there, I’ll honor his inquisition, his inquisitiveness just by talking to him. He may just want to know why is it that we’re doing what we’re doing? Within that, we get to have a great conversation, but I also get to understand how he’s thinking and we get to connect on a deeper level as opposed to just me being his dad and punishing him for talking back. I’m able to actually be present and really be with my son, just human to human in that moment, as opposed to just the enforcer.
Do you believe in love at first sight?
I never did until Miracle. It’s funny because I have this one friend in particular and we always used to butt heads about this idea of love. She would always tell me that she’s waiting. She’s waiting for the right guy. She’s waiting for Prince Charming because for her, feeling the butterflies was a very real thing for her. She was gonna hold out for it. Previously, prior to where I’m at now, I was always on the opposite side of the fence. I always used to tell her, you might be tripping a little bit. If you have 80 percent of what you want, you might as well just go ahead and go for that because you’re sitting here holding out for this magic butterfly to appear inside of you, to appear inside of your stomach. It just sounds silly to me, but that was just because I had never experienced that, which is funny because my parents were still married after 30 years. So I get a chance to watch it, but it’s like indirectly I experienced it. Directly, I never experienced that.
But when I met Miracle, I fell in love as soon as I met her. This is what life is about. Life is about teaching and learning everything that life has to offer you. So in my experience now, I can say at 37, I do believe in love at first sight because I experienced it. Now, it doesn’t mean I’ve asked for it after the first day, I’ve got a brain for a reason. Gotta be smart with it. But I do believe in love at first sight for sure. I’ve experienced it with Miracle.
What’s the most important lesson love has taught you?
The one thing that I learned from it is you should be taking away from it as much as you bring to it. I always talk about this analogy of one foot in, one foot out. I feel like a real relationship is meant to be both feet in, truly being able to give something to it and then also being able to take something away from it. Just that true dance between two partners, it’s 50-50, but it truly makes for the whole 100 percent. So both of us having our feet in really makes for the best 100 percent of a picture.
What are your Valentine’s Day plans?
I’m going to pick up flowers right now. I’m a little last-minute with everything, but I’m gonna get it all together before tomorrow. Tomorrow I’m not doing anything crazy. We just got back from Dubai, so my head’s still spinning. Her birthday was on the 30th, January 30th, so we really just got back. We’re just gonna do a little staycation. I had booked out this room at this hotel. And we’re just gonna go to dinner. I’m gonna give her the chocolates, give her little gifts, give her the flowers and what not.
But it’s less about that. I know she likes a few of these things, but it’s really just about being present and celebrating the love because she’s got a business. I work doing what I do. All three kids are always in the house, so it’s always super loud in the house. We have lots of other things that we are responsible for, within our family. So to be able to just carve some time out just for our hearts to connect and really just focus on the love is always something that’s important to me.
What would you say is your love language?
For me, it’s crazy because I just started, I don’t know if it’s a book or what that has all talk about these love languages. But ever since I heard about it, I’ve been studying it and just looking into it a little bit. I’m trying to give y’all the correct terminology in terms of how we speak in this context. Mine is definitely physical touch. It’s so funny, we could be in an argument and she’ll put her hand on my head or put her hand on my shoulder or something or on my lower back, she’ll bring me close. And as soon as she touches me, everything changes. It’s not even necessarily a sexual thing. It’s more of just an intimate touch. Really just being together. And as soon as she touches me, everything changes. Physical touch is mine for sure.
Have you written love letters? What inspired you to write them?
I write love letters all the time. What inspired me to write love letters is watching my dad do it for my mom. Even today after 30 years of marriage, she still writes little letters and like on a post-it note and he’ll put it inside the freezer or something like that or in her favorite book. So I really learned that type of love through my parents, but specifically through my dad, Charlie Dennis.
What’s the most romantic thing you’ve done for someone, or what could you do for someone in the future?
In my opinion, I would say the most romantic thing that I’ve done is, and I don’t even know if it’s romantic when I’m talking about my woman, but I’ve also done this just in life, I think is to accept who she fully is. We all walk around in life and have this idea of ourself. And even myself, I have certain things that I don’t want to showcase to other people for fear of rejection or people making fun of me. But even like from myself as Tyler, I’m very sensitive. It just is what it is. I’ve walked into relationships trying to hide that or shield that. But being able to show that to my fiancée and be accepted for that is something that makes me feel comfortable. It makes me feel accepted and it helps me be all the way in and be both feet on the ground, both feet in this thing for real.
On the flip side of that, the most romantic thing that I’ve ever done is offer her that same thing she’s given me and just accept her for who she is all the way, despite some of the things she may think about herself. Because as humans, we all got these things that we don’t want to showcase to people. So we end up being one foot in, one foot out. We’re not showing everybody who we fully are, the real us. I think accepting that, for my fiancée, but also for anybody in my life is one of the most profound things that I’ve ever done. In my opinion.
Photography by Mike Melendy
