Kelly Williams of Philadelphia, (aka Ms. Kelly) is the founder of singlemamahood.com a hub for single moms to receive free advice. Ms.Kelly also conducts national workshops for single mothers and she is the author of several parenting books.
Rolling out spoke to Ms. Kelly about the Five Men You Should Not Have Children With.
1. The Selfish Man
If the child support was due on the very day that his new video game hit the market, where would he spend his money? Selfishness could be a warning sign if the selfish behavior is extreme, argues Ms. Kelly. “If he has a little bit of selfishness in him, you may have to take that because everybody has those issues.”
However, you should definitely steer clear of men who are selfish with their time: “Men who do not want to spend time with their children, that’s extremely important. Children need their fathers. Once you make the decision to have kids, this goes for moms and dads, you should know that your time is no longer your own while your children are growing up.”
2. The Married Man
Children who are the product of an extramarital relationship, often feel like outsiders to the man’s real family. Ms. Kelly advises women not to go there.“African American children in particular grow up with so many things that they have to overcome; we as mothers shouldn’t give them the primary [obstacle],” she says.
3. The Abusive Man
Do not rear children with a man who abuses you, because the cycle will continue with your kids, warns Ms. Kelly. “The parents are the kids’ number one role model. Girls will model behavior in terms of who they choose, and boys will model behavior in terms of what they will do when they grow up.
And if they don’t model that behavior, they are really fighting against the odds.”
4. The Party Guy
Every club, everywhere, has this guy on the guest list because he doesn’t just join the party, he is the party.
“If he’s always in the club, then he’s not at home,” Ms. Kelly states. “Do not make this selection for this guy to be the father of your child if he’s an extreme party animal. But if he’s the guy who has a party personality, then he can be a fun dad!”
5. The Re-Populator
This guy routinely repopulates the community and reshapes the census count with dozens of kids by various women. Don’t add to that number with him: “Whenever I start my workshops for single moms, I ask the mothers in the room, ‘how many of you want your daughters to grow up and become baby’s mommas?’ And nobody raises their hand. So if they don’t want their boys to become baby’s daddies and they don’t want their girls to grow up and become one of many baby’s mommas, then they should not have a child with that ‘role model’ playboy.”
Kelly Williams cautions not to throw your potential baby’s father out with the bath water: “We need to be extra careful when we’re scrutinizing these men to make sure that we’re not going overboard. Moms often expect the dads to be perfect, but we’re not perfect either.”