The other night, I was watching television and there was a segment about people disappearing out of relationships without a word. At first, it made me chuckle but then I realized that I have received a ton of emails from both women and men who had experienced something similar. A typical email might go something like this:
Dear Zane,
I’ve been seeing this guy for nine months and he is the perfect man for me. He’s loving, successful and treats me like a queen. We have been on several weekend getaways, he pays for everything, and my two kids from a previous relationship adore him. I’ve met his family and we have discussed taking things further by moving in together in a few months and, ultimately, marriage.
I guess you’re wondering why I need advice. Here is the thing. He has been working a lot lately and I don’t hear from him as much. He told me that he’s under a lot of stress and is doing the best he can. I completely get it but I am just surprised at the sudden change. For the past two weeks, he has not called me at all. When I try him on his cell, it goes to voice mail. When I call his office, the receptionist always sends me to voice mail. He doesn’t even respond to my texts anymore.
I’m so confused because this all came out of the blue. We didn’t have an argument or anything. Do you think he is seeing someone else? Do you think that I should just move on and forget about him? I’m so disappointed because I really thought this was the real thing this time. I’ve been through so many bad relationships in the past but this is different. This time there isn’t any closure. Please help.
Signed,
Lost and Confused
Now common sense is hard to accept when the heart is involved. Clearly, this man has ended the relationship but he did it in an extremely cowardly way. For some reason, it has indeed become a trend for people to simply walk away from a relationship without even being considerate enough to tell the other person, i.e., going ghost. Sometimes the other person is still in the dark weeks, months, or sometimes years, later. People in love don’t need space, or time to think about anything, and they make time for what is important to them. Yes, work-related stress, family issues, and a plethora of other things may come into the mix. However, if they are in love, they need and desire to be around that person even more because it will make them feel better.
If you are “dating” someone who barely calls you, acts like you are an afterthought, and is disrespectful by ignoring your calls or text messages, you do need to move on. They already have, for sure. And if you are one of those who have cast someone by the wayside without being mature enough to at least call them and admit it, make that happen today. Remember that entire “do unto others” thing? It is extremely childish to drop someone without giving them an explanation. Even if you can’t explain it, and you met someone else who turned your a– out, let them know that it is over. It is the right thing to do. Eventually you will cross paths with them again, more than likely, and you will see the pain written all over their face. Stop the disappearing act, go back and face the music, and then walk away with some sort of dignity. You don’t have to be with someone you don’t want to be with, but letting them know could change their entire outlook on future relationships. Have a heart and shame the devil!
