How many times have you or your mate heard “it’s not you, it’s me” — when in fact, it may just be you (after all). Whether you’ve dated someone worthless or just suffered a run of bad luck in your relationships, it’s easy to hold onto hurt and pain from past relationships and to carry negative baggage into your present relationship. However, these issues should be addressed, in order to let go and move forward. Leave the past in the past, which is where it belongs and while you’re at it, please check your bags at the door! Beware of these eight signs of emotional baggage in a relationship.
- Past Relationships. If he or she refuses to discuss their past relationships, it’s probably because he or she fears the answers that they may get (or give). Past relationships can be a bit uneasy, but they don’t have to be. Did you stop to think that maybe your mate is hiding something or has a fear about the truth? That can definitely cause some stress on the relationship.
- Being Paranoid. Being in bad relationships from the past can sometimes cause you to be more cautious when it comes to putting trust in your new mate. However, paranoia can change to clinginess, neediness and also make you feel the want or need to invade your partner’s privacy. Who wants to be under 24-hour surveillance? No one!
- Paranoia naturally leads to distrust. You find yourself disbelieving everything he or she says and does.
- History of Abuse. Untreated victims of any kind of abuse are often emotionally unstable and harbor lots of inner pain, which manifests itself in their romantic lives. His or her behavior is very unpredictable. One minute they love you and the next minute, he or she is picking a fight for some imagined transgression on your part. And, don’t be surprised if you are being blamed for having an affair with your co-worker, with no evidence at all. This is very sad. Please get some help.
- Emotional Roller Coaster. One day he or she is your best friend and the next day, your mate won’t even hug you, let alone speak – and for no wrongdoing on your part. What’s that all about? If he or she is emotionally unbalanced, then they may have some mental issues, like depression and may need to work through this problem, in order to be happy.
- Insecure For No Reason. You have been on two dates with your potential mate and are already insecure around them. He or she asks, “why do you want to date me?” or “what could you possibly find attractive in me?” If you find yourself already trying to build up his or her self-esteem after two dates, than this man or woman has baggage galore. Avoid them like the plague and let them work through their insecurities.
- Always Chases Someone Worthless. He ors he doesn’t have a high expectation of a mate, even though he’s dated someone worthless and knows how bad the whole relationship can turn out. If he or she is still chasing the drug addict or thief who steals from them while they’re sleeping, then you can bet he or she feels that a man or woman of this low caliber is what he or she deserves, because that’s all he or she’s dated. This is another clear sign of someone with low self-esteem. Please steer clear, in order to stay out of jail.
- Comparison. You are definitely carrying around emotional baggage when you are always comparing your new man or woman to your ex. Everything the current does is compared to what the ex did and rationalized using the ex’s mistakes and failings.
Emotional baggage is toxic! Allow a person time to deal with their own issues before pursuing them. If not, you may end up enduring many years of this type of behavior, not to mention being unhappy and frustrated. At the end of the day, we have to love ourselves first, before we can love someone else.
