Story by Stereo Williams
Photography by DeWayne Rogers
“I’m going to lose 30 pounds by the summer.”
“I want to save at least $5000 this year.”
“This year, I’m visiting South Africa. I mean it this time.”
Welcome to 2014! January means it’s time for us to start picking ourselves apart and making promises to change something we don’t like. New Year’s resolutions get a bad rap — we think of them as little bits of denial as opposed to well-intentioned motivators for change. How many people actually stick to them? It seems that very few do, but that doesn’t mean they have no merit. It only means that we have to adjust how we approach them — and how we approach ourselves — every new year.
The dawn of a new year brings with it all kinds of optimism and renewed focus. There’s nothing like seeing the calendar roll over to Jan. 1 to make people feel like they have a new lease on life and new incentive to reach goals that they’d previously ignored or failed to attain. But what is it about the beginning of the year that makes us so gung-ho to revamp, revitalize and readjust our lives? It’s not as if we spend November and December obsessing over our flaws and shortcomings in preparation for the “do over” in January. Quite the contrary, during the last two months of the year we are usually on our worst behavior.
‘Tis the season to be jolly — but not the season to be disciplined.
It’s understandable that so many people are so eager to change themselves come Jan. 1. We spend almost two months prior to the new year wallowing in some of our most undisciplined behavior. From Halloween to New Year’s Eve, we indulge in ways that we never do at any other time of the year. Depending on how festive one’s Halloween is; it could be argued that we begin celebrating bad habits the minute we start rummaging through the kids’ trick-or-treat stash. And how telling is it that we splurge on overpriced merchandise on Black Friday — the day after we’re supposed to be giving thanks for all that we already have? We gorge ourselves on tons of food on Thanksgiving and Christmas. We binge drink on New Year’s Eve. It’s the time of year when we embrace gluttony and indulgence — openly and rampantly.
So, of course, after spending inordinate amounts of cash on gifts and travel — all of a sudden, saving money becomes one of our main priorities in the new year. After eating tons of fattening foods, we plan to go on a diet. It’s almost as if New Year’s Day is the sobering “morning after” that we find ourselves faced with after a night — or in actuality, a season — of decadence. But we’re also faced with the challenges that come after we’ve made those resolutions: you promise that you’re going to save, and that commitment is tested as soon as tax refund season begins. If you’re single, will you spend Valentine’s Day alone and eating Ben & Jerry’s? Don’t let it happen this year.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to change or improve oneself. But too often as we enter a new year, we set unrealistic goals or put ridiculously high expectations on ourselves to become “better.” Which begs the question: what was so bad about you that you feel the need to completely start over? Instead of kidding yourself by making resolutions that you give up on by February, make small adjustments to your behavior that can bring about wholesale lifestyle change and truly make you a better person.
If losing weight is a goal, joining a gym is a great way to push yourself to get into shape. Of course, every January, gyms across America are filled with new members. But to help curb that desire to quit after only going for a few weeks, find a friend to join with you and work out together. Be each other’s support system going forward and you’ll find it much easier for both of you to stay the course. If you promised yourself you would travel in 2014, begin making arrangements now to take that trip. Set aside money immediately, or if you can afford it, go ahead and reserve a hotel room or buy a plane ticket. Doing these things far in advance will both make the trip cheaper and allow you to keep your promise to yourself; as opposed to constantly procrastinating and ultimately never taking that trip you claimed you were definitely going to take this year.
Your desire to improve has to come from a place of love — not a place of loathing. Too many times, we start the year by picking ourselves apart, zeroing in on everything about us that we don’t like. Self-improvement is commendable, but not when it’s driven by a lack of self-worth. If you allow insecurity to be what drives your engine, it can ultimately consume you. And oftentimes, resolutions fail because they were motivated by negativity. Don’t do that to yourself.
Wanting to be a better you doesn’t mean that you were flawed or a failure beforehand, so don’t tell yourself these things. Decide what you would like to improve and know that you are great as you are —you’re just making some tweaks to make your life better. That slight adjustment in perspective and motivation could mean the difference between resorting to old bad habits or obtaining the goals that you are currently setting for yourself. Getting to that better place can’t happen if you’re starting from a place of low self-esteem. But too many times, we believe that hating oneself can fuel improving oneself. Sometimes it can, but most of the time, it just means that we don’t truly believe in our potential for greatness and we don’t fully commit to the idea of improvement.
Lack of self-love leads us to give up before we truly start. Do we really believe we can change ourselves for the better physically or financially without first having a genuine love for who we are? Flaws and all? It seems highly doubtful. Just as a person in a toxic relationship has to believe that they are good enough to deserve better, a person fighting through toxic habits has to believe that they deserve a healthier, more fulfilling lifestyle. You have to know your worth, first and foremost. Sometimes we even have to remind ourselves who we are.
The new year isn’t a time for you to complete rearrange who you are — and it typically doesn’t work when you try to do that, anyway. It’s a time to take stock and set goals. The key to meeting those goals is discipline, but don’t shoot yourself in the foot by setting goals that require you to completely step out of character or do things that aren’t realistic or feasible for you. Decide immediately what you can and can’t do, determine what steps you can take to change yourself mentally and physically; but most of all, recognize that the need for change shouldn’t be motivated by self-loathing or low self-esteem. Because the best resolution you can make at the start of 2014 is to love who you are.
And in many ways, that can require the most work of all.
Suggested New Year’s Resolutions for Your Favorite Celebs:
Chris Brown: Learn to use your words — not your fists.
Lord Jamar: Attend LGBT advocacy group meetings.
Miley Cyrus: Retire from “twerking.” Or get some butt implants.
Gucci Mane: Embrace therapy, rehab and a better diet. Gucci goes vegan?
Kanye West: Silence.
Lil Wayne: Make a good album, for a change.
Rihanna: Ninety-day Instagram break. (Oh, who are we kidding — 30 day.)
Snoop: Officially retire “Snoop Lion.”
Jay Z: Give more than just your presence to charity.
